Decommissioning? More like putting down a faithful and well-regarded pet who has simply got too old. It's never a nice thing to do.
I have just factory-reset my old phone Tigerlily. She now lies there, on the edge of my gaze, switched off and sleeping, with her past memory erased. All you will see, if you power her up now, is the Samsung welcome screen.
I've been online to Envirofone, and sold her for £95, a typical offer if one can't be bothered with eBay. They will send me a special envelope with a postage sticker to use, in that way paying for Royal Mail's ordinary postage charge. If I wish, I can use Royal Mail Special Delivery, paying the extra - which I probably will, to get that £95 in the Melford vault asap.
I've looked after Tigerlily really well - she looks absolutely brand new. She's not in any way soiled, scuffed or scratched, let alone fit only for a teardown, in order to salvage the valuable metals inside her.
I'm sure she will be sold on to a delighted new owner. Envirofone sell older phones as well as buy them, and their mimimum current price for a refurbished Samsung Galaxy S8+ in full working order is £229.99. Tigerlily will more than fit that description, so they might ask more: even as a four year old device, she still commands a tidy sum if one is buying. Well, I wish the next owner great pleasure from using her, and I hope that Tigerlily will be valued and cherished as much as I valued and cherished her.
I'm gradually getting used to the decommissioning process.
I didn't care about my first phones. They were cheap and plasticky, entirely characterless, utilitarian and unlovable. Even my first proper smartphone, a Nokia E71 called Joanna, inspired no special feelings in me beyond ordinary respect. She was a nice-looking device, but with small and fiddly buttons, a screen that was too small, and an OS (Symbian - remember that?) that had reached the end of the line. She worked, but had too many inadequacies to inspire affection, and couldn't be personalised with additional apps and custom screens.
But Eloise, my first Android phone, my first Samsung Galaxy - an S2 - was quite different, a revelation in fact. And a device that I loved. I felt like a cruel murderer in 2014, when I factory-reset her and sent her inert little carcass to Envirofone. I almost cried for what I'd done.
I was braver with Demelza in 2017. And now, in 2021, almost philosophical with Tigerlily.
One does what needs to be done. Things like this are inevitable, like one's own eventual death, and it's best to cultivate a contemplative attitude and not burst into tears.
Well, Prudence must take the strain now. Fortunately, there's every indication that she will prove to be my best phone yet. And there lies the trouble. If she becomes an even more faithful and dependable companion, the remorse when she has to be put into a deep dream, four or five years hence, will be all the more acute.
About the same time, or not long after, my beloved car Fiona will also have to go. What a wrench that will be! Will her successor fill the emotional gap?
Looking into the future - one I will no doubt see - into a world populated by helpful, cheerful humanoid robots with extraordinary intelligence - so that they can learn fast, and develop individuality - how will it be possible to decommission them?
