What's in a name

Long-time readers will know that my surname at birth was Dommett, a gift from my father, and that Melford is a name I acquired later.

I do - most certainly - proudly count myself as a Dommett, but it is of course a surname bestowed on me by accident of birth; whereas Melford came from something I did. I took matters into my own hands, I made an adult choice, and became Lucy Melford.

I remember wondering what it would be like, with my name changed from Dommett to Melford. I imagined myself introducing myself to people and saying 'Hello, I'm Lucy Melford.' It would seem strange at first, unnatural. I might not say it quite right. I've always had trouble with my Ms and my Ns, the two sounding very similar, the way I speak. Would people perhaps hear 'Nelford'? Or would they assume I'd said 'Milford' or 'Nilford'? I was tired of spelling my name - as I'd always had to do with 'Dommett' (a name whose precise spelling is unguessable). I hoped that with 'Melford' my spelling days might be over. But on reflection, probably not.

I pictured myself writing 'Lucy Melford' on official forms and registers, and on cheques. I practiced my new signature, so that writing my name wouldn't look stilted and awkward.

And I'd start being addressed as 'Lucy Melford' - would that seem odd? Would I turn my head and react when somebody called out my new name? Waiting for an appointment at the doctor's, for instance. Would I realise that they meant me? How embarrassing if I didn't. And would I remember to call myself 'Lucy Melford' ? There would be confusion and funny looks if I messed up. I would look so daft.

All that was years ago. 'Melford' fitted perfectly over 'Dommett' like a second skin, and became a natural part of me. That's how it feels.

Would I ever consider reverting to 'Dommett'? I'm entitled to. I'm divorced, I call myself 'Miss'. Why not go back to 'Dommett'? It would match my birth certificate, after all.

But everything's in the name of 'Lucy Melford'. My financial stuff. my house deeds, my passport, my pensions. All of it, on and on. It would be a horrendous slog to change it all to 'Lucy Dommett'.

Yes, I could demonstrate to the world a clear family relationship to my nephew, his wife, and their child, all of them Dommetts. But there are no other living Dommetts around. My niece has married, and has a different surname now. Nobody else in my family is still called 'Dommett'. Really, changing would be very hard work for very little gain.

Besides, I really like 'Melford'. I always did. It has a soft sound that reminds me of lush meadows and country lanes. And 'Lucy Melford' flows off the tongue so much more easily than the harder sound of 'Lucy Dommett'.

Lately - well, for some time now - I've grown eager to find other Melfords. Which is ridiculous, as it's not my birth name. But there must be some psychological process under way, where I so completely identify as a Melford that I need to see the name commemorated. But it's not a common name at all. When I visit country churches, I look at gravestones in vain. No dead Melfords, ever. Nor are any on the Roll of Honour inside the church. I should be looking instead for dead Dommetts - I did promise Mum and Dad that I would take the family genealogical researches a lot further. But no, I'm on the lookout for Melfords.

What if I ever ran into a 'proper' Melford? And he or she was delighted and intrigued, and wanted to work out what relation I might be? I'd hate to disappoint them, but I couldn't fib. I'd have to explain my name of birth, and that I adopted Melford later on. Still, I'd hope that they would think me a worthy example of a Melford, all the same.