Not a Lead Belly song from the 1930s. It's about that sinking feeling when you think you may have been caught - yet again! - by a speed camera.
But first, the good news. Being over seventy, and approaching my seventy-third birthday, it was time to go through the regular process for getting a renewal driving licence. You have to do this every three years. This one would take me to 2028, when it would all happen again, and repeatedly until I eventually gave up driving, or was forced to.
Right now it's done by self-certification. And it's all too easy to be dishonest about (for instance) how adequate one's eyesight is. So far as I know, nobody checks. As it happens, I have no reason to be in any way dishonest, but you can imagine how some elderly people with very dodgy vision, who refuse to go to an optician, might be reluctant to own up to their impediment and risk the withdrawal of their driving licence. Well, the loss of mobility if their eyesight were too poor for driving might be very awkward indeed for them. But they shouldn't become a menace on the roads, and I think the government could rightly insist on elderly applicants proving that they've had a fairly recent eye test, and that they wear any glasses found necessary.
Back to my application. You could fill in a paper form (and one was sent to me), but I could also do it online with the DVLA, via the gov.uk website. It was a longish job, not because the online application form was complex or especially lengthy, but because so much care was needed to correctly tick all the boxes. It was essential to get it completely right.
Well, I was finally satisfied, and clicked on the 'submit' button, getting an immediate acknowledgement. Online applications are supposed to be processed inside a week, but I'd heard of long delays for paper applications, and so wasn't too hopeful for the ones made online either. But I was too pessimistic. My application was on 16th April, and the new plastic card with my picture on it came in today's post. So it took six days. I'm relieved because the DVLA asks you to snip the old licence in half and send it back. I did that at once, first class post, because I reckoned they would not release the new licence before the old one had been returned. So for a few days I was without a licence to show. And had the new one been delayed, I might have had to go off on my long holiday to Orkney and back without a driving licence. It probably wouldn't have mattered, but you never know. But now the new one is tucked away in my bag, and I need not worry.
Next, the not-so-good news. It's nearly time to renew my car insurance. I will probably get this year's quote by email from LV when travelling north next week. Last year everyone's car insurance practically doubled. I myself paid £1,041 to insure Sophie - although in addition to the general increase, my quote partly reflected a speeding offence in January 2023. To keep future insurance costs down, I have since then been paying great attention to my speed when driving, and had been expecting to hold this year's quote down as a result.
But now the bad news. Another speeding offence looms, and it will shoot the cost up to £1,500 or more.
Incidentally, I consider myself a responsible driver, and I don't scorn speed limits. But I occasionally I exceed them by accident, or circumstances make me. The January 2023 incident was a simple error. I joined a dual carriageway (the A24 north of Worthing) from a side road, and assumed that I could drive along it at 70mph, the normal speed limit for a dual carriageway. But in fact I'd turned into a short stretch limited to 60mph, and a speed camera recorded my mistake. I went back later to check: sure enough, there were 60mph signs that I hadn't noticed. There was nothing I could do except pay the fine and accept the points. And report it to LV, who upped my premium on renewal.
So what has happened now? Why do I think I may have been caught speeding again? Well, it was dusk, and I was on the westbound M20 in Kent, travelling home. A white car had been tailgating me, clearly wanting me to go faster, although I was doing a steady 70mph and wasn't going to be hustled. Then it changed into the inside lane and tailgated another car instead, who, like me, was driving at the maximum speed allowed. That lane became a slip road off the M20, but it was a long one, and for several hundred yards we remained in a close parallel formation, with the white car off to my left, driving aggressively and showing every sign of impatience. A potentially dangerous situation. I put on a little extra speed to get away from both of them. I saw 74mph on my speedometer. At that moment a speed camera flashed. Who had triggered it? I assumed it might be me, but we were all going at much the same speed, and the white car had been the one misbehaving.
I drove on with a sinking heart. Another speeding offence, willy-nilly.
That was a week ago. The Kent Police have not yet been in touch. But I won't be in the clear until a fortnight has passed, and by then I'll be on my way to Scotland.
The nightmare scenario is that a stern missive requiring a rapid response arrives while I am away on holiday, not to be seen by me until I return on 5th June; meanwhile my apparent silence has triggered unwelcome consequences. But I will ask Jackie my next-door neighbour to check my post, and email me a photo of anything sent by the Kent Police. I can then get them to put things on hold until I come home again. It will spoil the holiday though. And the insurance company will have to be told. Sigh.
UPDATE Saturday evening, 26th April. Nothing heard from the Kent Police yet. They are leaving it rather late in the day to send me a penalty notice. But if it's already on its way, I won't now see it before I depart for Orkney two mornings from now. To be on the safe side, I will definitely have to get Jackie next door to examine my post when she gets home from her own holiday. Tsk.
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