I'd better be careful about what I say in this post. I might give offence (potentially dangerous in these hyper-sensitive times). It's about beards, those hairy growths on men's faces. And when I say 'beards' I'm including moustaches and prominent sideburns - any facial hair at all.
More than once in recent months it has occurred to me that there are many more men around sporting beards of one kind or another than there used to be. It was once the case that you could identify a person by referring to him as 'that bearded bloke over there' and because he'd be the only one, there would be no mistake. Now, when so many men are bearded, that won't do. There are thankfully still a lot of clean-shaven men around - I don't think they are yet in a minority - but it is my perception that being clean-shaven is nowadays most likely the mark of a middle-aged man: young men have taken to beards in a big way, and surely more old men seem to go bearded than hitherto.
Assuming I'm right, why is this?
I'm pretty certain that many (if not most) women dislike beards, whether it's untidy stubble, a carefully-trimmed creation, or a luxuriant growth in the style of Charles Darwin or the guru of your choice. The simple reason? Beards tickle if soft, and scratch if wiry. You really do not want to dance cheek to cheek with a bearded man, nor kiss him. I suspect that a high percentage of men who are unsuccessful with women are bearded, and are automatically less desirable for this simple reason. If I were ever interested in dating, a bearded man would be a non-negotiable no-no, as much as if he smoked or vaped.
I can't be unique in my aversion to facial hair. It's a turnoff. So why do men cultivate beards? Are they quite unaware that it's not generally attractive to women? Well, I think they do know. Perhaps, then, they grow beards not primarily to win female company, but to impress other men.
Let's see. A bearded man would presumably assert the following.
(a) Beards, whatever else you might say, are natural. They indicate the natural man, the straightforward man, the reliable man.
(b) Beards are a sign of maturity. They indicate the adult man, the serious man, the wise man (as in ancient Greek philosophers and thinkers, all with beards).
(c) Beards are a sign of virility. Facial hair growth indicates strength, capability and potency.
(d) Beards are a badge of authority. A bearded man is a dominant figure. He is unafraid, undaunted by problems, and likely to be noticed and obeyed. At any rate, someone not to be messed with.
(e) Being clean-shaven is to artificially maintain a childish appearance - bad for credibility, and fatal to achieving supremacy within a group.
(f) In any case, real men should not look like girls.
I expect that I am wide of the mark on some of these things. But otherwise it's hard to see what the rationale is for having a beard. (I don't want to say that the main reason so many men wear beards is because they are too lazy to shave, or want to conform to the current fashion, or are vain)
Rebels, revolutionaries, mercenaries and mountain men: all usually bearded. Popeye shaved, but Bluto had a beard. Rapacious men generally have had beards. Vikings did. I think it's rather telling that misogynistic men like Andrew Tate are also bearded. As were may of the Proud Boys who backed President Trump when he incited his followers to storm the Capitol in Washington in January 2021.
Against this, most of the top leaders in the world are clean-shaven. Perhaps they think a shaven face is a political asset, conveying the illusion of honesty and openness, whatever the actual facts. Certainly, a beard can hide a lot of things, including giveaway facial expressions, and I for one would trust a bearded man somewhat less than a clean-shaven man. But there's also another thing: beards add age, especially when flecked with grey. Therefore a world leader, anxious to seem young and full of vigour, needs to use that razor.
No bearded man will get my vote. Nor any of my social time. I'll be polite to him, of course. But he has to realise that his facial fungus, whether grown to bolster his standing with other men, or just an affectation, is anything but cool.
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