Sunday 3 October 2021

A new UK sticker for international travel - but why not a GPL sticker?

It seems that the government has been quietly making little changes to emphasise our separation from the EU, and to make the 'United Kingdom brand' more distinctive. A request to the relevant international body some months ago became legal on 28th September: the old GB sticker on vehicles taken abroad must now be a UK sticker. The same applies to a number plate that shows GB, especially if encircled by EU stars. It must now be covered up, and only UK shown.

Personally I don't mind. I agree with the government that a heightened sense of Britishness needs to be encouraged. Also, GB doesn't actually include all the country as presently constituted. Great Britain - the GB on the international vehicle badge - is merely the main island of the British Isles archipelago. It doesn't include the island of Ireland, and therefore omits Northern Ireland. The new UK badge puts that right. 

And I saw one of these UK stickers today - for the first time - in a car park in Littlehampton, on a white Dacia Duster. You can see that the owner has not only stuck a UK sticker onto his or her pride and joy, but has covered the 'GB' at the left end of the rear number plate with UK and a Union Jack:


I'm guessing that he or she was a fellow Brexit voter back in 2016, to adopt this change with such alacrity!

So far, so good. But I don't think the new UK sticker will have a long life. The government needs to make fresh plans now to replace it with a sticker that refers to England alone. A Committee with a wide-ranging remit needs to be set up, to look into this most important matter. Our international prestige is at stake.

They will have to recognise that Scotland will have its independence. Then it won't be the United Kingdom any more, as Wales is only a Principality, and Northern Ireland is just a Province. And Wales will follow Scotland into independence soon enough. And it's inevitable that Northern Ireland will merge with the Republic. I'm convinced that all this will happen well within my remaining lifetime: within ten years, twenty at most, there will just be England. And a UK sticker will then be as misdescriptive as the old GB sticker was. 

The sticker will need to show something else. What should that be?

GB seems to be completely out. But what about using only the B, to stand for 'Britain'? No, B has already been assigned to Belgium.

Just G then? (Secretly meaning 'Great' - but without naming the country. So subtle) It would tie in with the identification codes for aircraft, which in this country always start with 'G'. So there's an argument for consistency. But again no. G has been collared by Gabon. 

The obvious then: E for 'England'! No dice. Spain has got E. 

Well then, what about ENG for England? Yes, that's available. It's three letters though. But a surprisingly large number of countries use three-letter codes, including some pretty important countries. Examples are: Australia (AUS), Canada (CDN), India (IND), Ireland (IRL), Mexico (MEX), Russia (RUS) and the United States of America (USA). So ENG would be up there with major players.

But ENG is so obvious and humdrum. Why not something more unusual, or poetic, or mystical? Such as:

ALB for Albion.

BL for Blighty.

RB for Rule Britannia.

Indeed, BRW for Britannia Rules the Waves.

GPL for Green and Pleasant Land.

SI for Sceptred Isle.

LHG for Land of Hope and Glory.

All the above are available, and unmistakably refer to England. I think that Committee ought to seriously consider one of these very suitable choices that celebrate the National Pride. 

I hope they won't decide to be provocative. They might go for something that sends a message to our European friends. A sticker that keeps the U of UK, but changes the K to Y:

UY for Up Yours.

But you know what Committees are like. They play for safety. They prefer to be pink and fluffy. Maybe in the end they'll go for something that both truly describes England, and would be internationally regarded as appropriate, without a single word of dissent.

LMB for Land of Make Believe.

Passed unanimously.

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