Fiona, the car I drive at the moment, and have done for the past ten years, and plan to keep driving for five years more, has the number plate SC10 CUR, which actually means something: it's bad Latin for 'I know why'. I realised from the start that some would connect 'CUR' with an aggressive dog of dubious breeding. But if that made other road-users wary of my approach, and anxious to keep out of my way, then I wasn't going to complain. A woman driver needs all the help she can get on the roads! And I must say that, over the years, Fiona has got respect. That may be because she is a big Volvo. But I am sure that the number plate helped, sending a message that I wasn't to be messed with.
I could pass SC10 CUR to my next car, as if it were a baton. But by 2025 it will have been associated with Fiona for so long that I might feel that she 'owns' that plate and that she should go to her grave with it. It would have become part of her identity. So I won't necessarily recycle it. In any case, the next car will be a different kind of animal, all-electric rather than diesel, and no doubt with quite different styling. A fresh plate seems to be called for.
With this in mind, I bought SC10 FAB last December, and I now have the right to use it anytime I like.
The 'SC10' part is still there to maintain continuity with Fiona's plate, but with a different set of letters now following, and the whole thing no longer makes a Latin phrase. 'FAB' has several associations, but primarily it indicates that the car (and possibly the driver) is fabulous. So far as the next car is concerned, I think this will be an accurate description. Much less so for its driver, but hey.
Recently, however, I've had some second thoughts about 'FAB'. If - post coronavirus - we are in for a long recession, with many people out of work or on a reduced income, will it tactful to whizz around in a brand-new, personally-owned, high-tech electric vehicle with a flippant or tongue-in-cheek number plate? And if I leave SC10 FAB parked somewhere, might not some out-of-work low-life decide that it should be fabulous no longer, but damaged and distressed in various moronic ways? Alternatively, I can imagine a gang of vandals watching me park and walk away, and then - inflamed by the number plate, and bent on destruction - trashing my gleaming new car. That would make my day, and no mistake. No, in an era when the haves will be pitted against the have-nots, decking out a cherished car with 'FAB' could be asking for trouble!
What else, then? Something that's still arresting, but not offensive or provocative to those who are down on their luck?
I've given it some thought - and considered what is still available to buy - and have now purchased SC10 SHE. (Once again, not at great cost; but my plan to replace my smartphone in 2021 will have to be put back a few months - not an issue, as it clearly has plenty of life left in it) Here's what SC10 SHE would look like on Fiona. (But bear in mind my next car might have radical styling and could resemble the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars, albeit with four wheels)
This latest plate for my next car has its own pros and cons.
I have to agree that SC10 SHE announces the fact that the driver is a lady, and that I'll have to expect some unwelcome attention from misogynistic male drivers. On the other hand, the better performance of my car - being electric and very powerful - will teach these scrotes some manners. I'll have the whip hand. I'm not a driver who puts up with nonsense.
The many proper gentlemen on the road will of course see the plate and give me plenty of courtesy. Hats will be raised. They'll let me go first at road junctions. Policemen will salute. And undoubtedly a way will be cleared for me through traffic congestion, so that I can drive through unimpeded. (Ah, all in my dreams. But who knows?)
There are other advantages with 'SHE'.
Like Fiona, my next car (and all others after that) will have a female name, and the plate will be right for them all. Indeed, it's a plate that I can keep transfering from car to car in the future. (This might indeed be the last time in my life that I need to spend money on a distinctive registration number!)
It may also be that a car with a plate like 'SHE' will enjoy a certain immunity from casual car theft. The chief perpetrators of car-crime are going to be young and male, and I'm guessing that they wouldn't want to be seen in the driving seat. It would be a slur on their manhood. It would also look very suspicious to the police, to see a shifty-looking leather-jacketed youth with a week's stubble on his chin, driving a car with a feminine registration - one that must clearly be owned by a woman, not a man. The sight would scream 'stolen car!' So I'm hoping that any potential thief with half a brain cell will see the risks of getting behind the wheel, and leave my car alone.
I'm still looking at 2025 for buying my next car, so there's plenty of time to ponder all this further. Meanwhile, I've furnished myself with a choice of three plates - all of them eye-catching - for when the time comes to visit Volvo and order my electric car - and save the planet.
