Le Bal Masqué

While I was on holiday it became the rule in England to wear a face mask when inside shops. Well, I had my home-made mask ready, but clearly needed to buy some ready-made masks, as I couldn't wear the same one day after day. With a few days to spare before the rule would come into force, I saw a pack of three masks at the checkout in Waitrose (at Witney), and didn't hesitate for long.

Why did I hesitate at all? Well, this pack of three cost £15 - £5 each, which seemed a bit steep. On the other hand, I saw that they were masks of quality and fashion, and likely to be a whole lot nicer to wear - so far as appearance goes - than the very plain and functional black masks you see a lot of nowadays, or the clinical pale blue ones that suggest you are either in the grip of some horrific disease or a medical worker tasked with disaster duties.

I disliked having to wear a mask at all, as I'd already found they were uncomfortable to wear for more than short periods, definitely inhibited breathing, and made your glasses steam up. Nor did I have any faith in their slight virus-protective properties. But I wasn't going to defy a government rule. And if I had to wear one, then let it be a Statement Mask. Or a Catwalk Mask. Something striking anyway. And this pack of three face masks, apparently designed by Raeburn, Mulberry and Halpern, seemed the business. Eco-compliant too. Trust Waitrose!

In side that pack were also two white cotton storage bags. Why only two? A bit mingy? But of course! Only two bags were needed: one for each of the two masks standing by. The third mask would be worn, or at least ready to be donned at a moment's notice.

So I now had four masks to wear for the rest of the virus pandemic. These three new ones, plus my original homemade one:

Surely four masks were sufficient, when the occasions I'd need to wear one in a shop would be few. After all, apart from food stores and filling stations I hardly went into shops now: it was just too much bother if there were a long queue, and (if it happened to be a clothes shop) you couldn't try anything on to check the fit, so there was no point.

As it happened, I didn't use even my homemade mask more than once or twice in the remainder of my holiday - there was only one more visit to Waitrose (this time in Warminster), and two occasions when I got fuel for Fiona. It was only this morning, with the home made mask drying after a spell in my washing machine at home, that I got out one of the new 'fashion' masks and put it on for some food shopping. I chose the snazzy yellow Halpern mask.

Aha! It certainly caught the eye. Here I model the mask in my conservatory, while (under the mask) exhibiting various extreme emotions:

It hid my horror, anguish, despair, anger, and total outrage pretty well. In fact, you'd scarcely know it was me behind that jazzy fabric. I could rob a bank with impunity in a mask like this.

Or so I thought. What actually happened was that every time I entered a shop I was greeted with a 'Good morning, Lucy! Did you have a good holiday?' Which was, of course, highly pleasant. But so much for the mask being a perfect disguise. Surely my eyes weren't that distinctive? Or maybe it was the hair, or the hairband. Or something to do with the way I sashayed into the shop with a do-si-do. Who knows.

I had to admit that the 'bought' mask was better-made than my homemade effort, and breathing seemed easier, but it was no more comfortable. I wouldn't want to wear either kind for too long.

I still have to other two new masks to try, the Raeburn (blue) and the Mulberry (brown):

They won't have quite the style impact of the yellow Halpern mask, but to my mind they are still a lot better than the boring masks most people wear, particularly the disposable or short-life sort bought for a pound each from the local chemist. My new masks can be washed dozens of times and will surely outlast the current pandemic. (I can pop them in my bra bags, which will stop them getting tangled up with the other washing)

If the pandemic goes on and on into 2021, and wearing a mask while out and about becomes a social norm, I may even invest in the ultra-posh kind of mask I've spotted in country-town boutique windows - expensive limited-edition masks for the lady of leisure (and means). Would that be silly?

One thing I would not welcome would be a situation in which women have to wear masks and men do not. I dare say there are many men who see mask-wearing as a cissy thing to do, an affront to their precious manhood. They might well be the kind of bossy or controlling men who dictate what their girlfriend or wife should be wearing, and will abuse her about if she doesn't comply. Sensible governmental rules based on health considerations are one thing; unilateral rules imposed by arrogant men with attitude are quite another. They can all swivel. Or rather, they can catch the virus and suffer.