How to look forty-five years younger, instantly!

What a laugh. Yesterday evening, Jackie (my next-door neighbour and friend) showed me an app for Android phones called NewProfilePic. This app enhances any selfie you take with your phone, and adds a background to suit your mood. If you feel full of fizz, there's a background for that. Want to be dreamy? There's a background for that too. She showed me one of herself feeling glamorous, and ready for a dance. Wow. She looked great. 

She insisted on taking a picture of me, to show me what the app could do for my own appearance. My goodness! What a change! She then demonstrated various backgrounds that could be used with this New Lucy. I liked one with an explosion of stars going on behind me.

Well, here is the result.

You simply can't dislike it. It's definitely an improvement on reality! I now look about twenty-five, maybe slightly jaded and in need of some sleep - it's those bags under the eyes! - but absolutely ready for more party-time. 

Here, in contrast, are two shots of myself as I really look, taken just two days ago at another friend's house: 

It's the same person, but without the subtle beautifying treatment. Still (I hope) pleasant to look at, but that's not a face that would launch a thousand ships. Whereas the New Lucy created by the app could launch me into any TV career I chose. The app has done something to my smile, and has given me a flawless, plastic complexion of the kind young wannabe celebrities aspire to. The only facial feature unchanged is my big shiny conk, which clearly has defied every algorithm thrown at it. That nose has resilience. 

Of course, if I'm honest, I do prefer the actual me to the contrived version. The app has created an image to wonder at, but not to take seriously. Mind you, I wish I really had looked so nice when twenty-five! Alas, I was worthy and sensible, but dull and not very desirable. Still, for some reason I didn't lack company, and eventually someone wanted me to the extent of matrimony. So you don't have to look fabulous to get things you want - or think you want.