Quel relief - I don't have to make a choice

Ah, the European Parliament elections on the 23rd May. I have my polling card. But I won't be voting.

Why not? Two practical reasons. One: I'll be away on holiday again. Two: It's too late to arrange a postal vote.

And there are further reasons. Three: As a Brexiteer, I really do not want to take part in any procedure that would tie the UK to the EU, however temporarily. And four: None of the contending political parties have a track record that I find inspirational, or a message that appeals to me. So even if I could vote, I wouldn't want to.

I'm a natural Conservative voter, but I'm fed up with how this government have dealt with the Brexit issue. It looks so much as if all along there has been a secret Cabinet agenda - spin the thing out until everyone loses interest, then let the whole notion ride for a generation. But the 2016 referendum result was a very important event, and it can't be dismissed and forgotten. Alternatively, the government has been incompetent and unrealistic, and consequently the Brexit negotiations have failed. Mind you, who among the Conservatives could have done much better? There may have been better candidates for the lead role, someone with a better, more flexible notion of how to hold the initiative and escape as a going concern from the EU's federal embrace. But if so, they are keeping a rather low profile.

My hope now is that some of the younger, brighter Conservative MPs get their opportunity. But it's probably too late. The forthcoming Euro elections will change the political landscape, leading to a very different House of Commons when the next General Election comes. I don't see the two main parties surviving unmauled. But then they both deserve to be badly wounded, for not taking up sensible, coherent positions and acting decisively. Labour have fumbled, tripped up by their old-fashioned attitudes; the Conservatives have made mistake after mistake, and have nearly died from self-inflicted injuries; they should be invited now to do the decent thing - take a bullet through the brain - and having at last put themselves out of their misery, make a fresh start. Indeed, both the main parties need a purge to make them relevant again.

Meanwhile others will have a chance.

Their style is too New Age for my taste, and there is no way they will ever get me on a bicycle, but the Greens are likely to get my future allegiance. I do go along with the grave and undeniable facts behind their messages. I would certainly prefer a green and pleasant world to one made uninhabitable through climate change that could have been avoided.

Otherwise it would be the LibDems, except that their 'Bollocks to Brexit' stance is the opposite of what I want to see.

It goes without saying that none of the other parties - mostly small, some with a narrow programme - have any appeal. If voting were compulsory in this country, and the choice in my constituency lay between UKIP and Nigel Farage's Brexit Party - and only those two - then Nige would have my reluctant vote, not because I rate him, but because I wouldn't give my vote to a party like UKIP that has candidates who keep revealing a disturbing, deep-rooted intolerance.

What I'd really like is a party that wants independence from the EU's political and judicial institutions, but won't fling us into the tender embrace of the USA, nor any other major power. And apart from that aim, keeps close and friendly ties - trading and cultural - with European countries and all friendly states around the world. And beyond that, sees an ongoing role for Britain as a world leader in setting wise and humane standards.

Step forward, please, whoever you are.