Have you ever been stopped in the street by someone with a microphone, and asked to give your point of view on something topical?
It's happened to me only once. It was in August 2016. I was at Bridgnorth, in the West Midlands. A man from the local radio station, with a microphone and some kind of professional-looking recording apparatus slung over his shoulder, was strolling along the High Street, clearly looking for people to interview. I thought about avoiding him, and walking the other way: I wasn't eager for stardom. On the other hand it was an intriguing situation. Suppose he accosted me and gave me the opportunity to speak? Would I be equal to it? Would I be able to assume a confident air, and discourse eloquently on some important issue of the day? It would certainly be a novel experience. In fact a test of coolness and quick thinking. But I wasn't sure.
Fate intervened before I could escape. No doubt it was inevitable. Perhaps I looked exactly the right kind of educated person who could string a few words together. And if I only spouted incoherent tosh, he'd still be able to edit out anything that made no sense. It would be all right. At any rate, I was accosted. I prepared to be the ideal interviewee, a lively, good-value Person In The Street, well worth his time.
But he totally threw me. He wanted to know what I thought about the Olympic Games then going on at Rio in Brazil.
Poor man: of all the persons he could have stopped and interviewed, it had to be someone who took no interest whatever in sport. No, I hadn't watched any of the Games. No, I didn't know the name of any competitors, nor how they had fared. No, I couldn't care less who had won, nor what the tally of medals was. Really, I had no opinion at all about the Games.
He saw he had made a mistake about me, but he persevered. Did I think the Games were an inspiration to young people? Yes, I supposed I did; but I couldn't go on to say why or how. Did I think it would be a matter for great national pride? I supposed so, if the British Team did well. What might it mean for the West Midlands, and Bridgnorth in particular? I couldn't say - I was here on holiday. I had no local or regional standpoint.
He couldn't get blood out of a stone, so we left it there. I was quite certain that my few words would be wiped. I didn't mind that. But as I walked away, I found I did mind his thinking that I was an idiot, oblivious to world events and current affairs - emphatically not true - or that I was snobbish or superior about the Games and what they meant. I almost blushed with shame for my indifference, for I was certain he'd have judged me to my detriment.
That feeling soon passed, obliterated by the excitement of riding down Bridgnorth's cliff lift, and then photographing from an overbridge the spectacular steamy happenings at the Severn Valley Railway's Bridgnorth station.
But later on, I pondered what had happened. I felt a dim sense of injustice. Why should anyone pay the Olympic Games - or any other sporting event - any special attention? Did we - or specifically myself - owe the athletes anything? No. I hoped they did well for themselves, and fulfilled personal ambitions, but that was all. Was I being unpatriotic? No; not when I felt that the Games - and international sport generally, football especially - was dishonestly conducted, far too political, and a waste of national money and resources.
My one and only radio interview, a failure, left no lasting legacy except to make me very wary of ever doing the same thing again. It's much too easy to seem foolish or ignorant when speaking on the fly. And nowadays there is the added risk that someone will find one's stumbling words objectionable, with dire trouble ensuing. No thanks.