Monday, 22 May 2017

My Postal Vote on 8th June


I won't be at home when the General Election takes place on 8th June, so for the first time in my life I have applied for a Postal Vote. The first pack - for the election of two local councillors - came a couple of days ago, and I've now dealt with it. It will get posted later today. This post is about that experience.

Another pack - for the election of a Member of Parliament for the Arundel & South Downs constituency - is due shortly, and having had a warm-up on the councillors, I should be able to cast my Postal Vote for an MP with a more practiced hand.

But my goodness, what a rigmarole it is! What a palaver. What a kerfuffle. I won't be doing this again in a hurry. And certainly not make it my usual method of voting.

I had thought it would all be pretty straightforward. And in principle it is. You download a pdf of the Postal Voting Application Form from the District Council's website. You fill that in. This generates a Postal Voting Pack. The complication begins at that point.

The Pack contains two envelopes - A and B - and a big form which you have to tear into two separate parts, both of which need to be written on or marked in the right way, in exact accordance with instructions on another piece of paper. Here they are:


These instructions, which (as you can see) include diagrams, seem clear and straightforward, but left me slightly unsure what to do. Perhaps they would pass every known Plain English test ever devised, and would win a Nobel prize for clarity. But - and it must be me - I hesitated an awfully long time before committing pen to paper, and then splitting that big form into two parts, because the instructions weren't all that comprehensible. At least not to me. Of course, being completely unfamiliar with the procedure, and a bit nervous about messing up, couldn't have helped.

I've had similar problems several times in my life, particularly my working life, whenever somebody has attempted to explain a simple idea in simple words. I lose the thread, and my mind goes blank. It's one reason why I think it's no good my ever having any kind of paid tuition: I'd miss the point, fail to grasp the blindingly obvious, hit a brick wall of misundertanding, and waste my money.

Working it out for myself, in my own good time, is the only way. And if I can't get my head round it, I will cut my mental losses and try something else.

Surely most people must find Postal Voting an absolute breeze. But I thought it was all far from easy. And it had to be done just so. It wasn't something I could leave to my intuition, or my 'best guess'. Perhaps proper online voting, with screen prompts and pop-up information boxes, might work better for me.

Filling in the big form wasn't difficult, although I couldn't see why it had to be one large form when two smaller ones would have been easier to deal with - because the top part was radically different in purpose from the bottom part, and they had to be torn apart along a line which wasn't at all well-defined.

The business of tearing it into two was in fact the major first crisis. Arrows indicated where to tear, but there were no perforations and no dotted line with a scissors symbol next to it. And close by was a definite fold in the paper which a person might take to be the correct tear-line.


However, I parted the two halves where indicated. The voting half, when turned over, didn't match the diagram well.


But it turned out that I had in fact made my tear in the right place. Although I knew that only because when fitting each of the two parts into their respective envelopes, the return addresses ended up exactly aligned with their windows. Phew!

Ah, the envelopes. It emerged that you had to put one inside the other, and post everything off in just one envelope. But you had first to get the right bits in each envelope. Oh, dear me! I was soon Confused.com and yearning for a reviving cup of tea!


Why wasn't the 'main' envelope, the one that swallowed the other and got posted, called envelope A? It was the more important envelope, at least from the point of view of my vote getting to the place where it would be counted. It made no sense.

At least there was a size difference between the envelopes, so even a batty old ditherer should see which had to go inside which. But they could have said simply:

# Put your voting paper with the Xs on it inside the brown envelope, and seal it if the return address shows in the window.
# Put the paper with your age and signature on it inside the white envelope. Now put the brown envelope inside the white envelope also. Seal the white envelope if the return address shows in the window. 
# Post the white envelope.

I'll have to go through this again in a few days' time, when the MP voting pack arrives. I expect to do better, but it's not a task I'm looking forward to.

Next time, I'll try to be at home when I want to vote. Even if I'd found this Postal Voting easy to follow, it's a sterile method. I like the electric atmosphere of Voting Stations on the big day. I like to be part of the unfolding drama. Casting a Postal Vote seems very, very tame. Almost sneaky, in fact, even though it's the same exercising of Hard-Won Electoral Rights.

Well, it's not for me.

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Another weight-loss breakthrough

Earlier this morning - soon after I'd got out of bed - I weighed myself at home, nude and pre-breakfast. My electronic scales told me my weight was now 12 stones 13 pounds - 181 pounds - which meant that since the home-weigh on 31st October 2016 I'd lost 2 stones and 1 pound - 29 pounds, or precisely 13 kilograms. I'd burst through the two-stone barrier. How nice!

In fact this was half-expected. I'd had a good week with most meals cooked by myself at home, so that I'd had maximum control over what I consumed. I'd been able to stick to plan a bit more than is usually possible.

And here's what my main meals had looked like, beginning one week ago. All shots courtesy of Tigerlily, my Samsung Galaxy S8+ smartphone.

Lunch, Thursday 11th May. :


Evening meal at Jo and Clive's, later that day. Jo goes to Slimming World too, and made sure that her main and dessert were as syn-free as possible. But I had white wine and a gin and tonic to chase it down:


Lunch, Friday 12th May, at The Green Welly in Ditchling - my only other meal out this week:


Evening meal at home that same day:


Lunch and evening meal, Saturday 13th May:


Lunch and evening meal, Sunday 14th May:


Lunch and evening meal, Monday 15th May:


Lunch and evening meal, Tuesday 16th May. I did have a glass of white wine down in Brighton in the early evening - my only other dose of alcohol during the past week:


Breakfast, lunch and evening meal yesterday, 17th May:


Today's meal plan is this:


In close-up, so that it looks like a menu.


Items in bold have actually been consumed. Unbold means they are only planned, and I may need to change the detail, delete something, or insert some unplanned extras. As you can see, I've already sketched out tomorrow's menu. Thank goodness I love spreadsheets!

I must apologise to Rheya, my surfing friend from Guernsey, who will feel inclined to wipe me out of her life for buying and eating potatoes from Jersey, the rival Channel Island. She will at first blush think it a betrayal. It isn't: I'd eagerly eat Guernsey potatoes if I could find them on sale anywhere. The Jersey sort are just a poor substitute, for want of the real thing. What else can a girl do? At least they are from the Channel Islands, albeit the wrong one.

I've been refining my eating regime all along, and my 'standard day' now has only 7 syns in it, out of a total of 15 allowed. So I can fit in a glass of wine if I wish, and still remain virtuous. But I never reach for a drink unless it's a social occasion. My breakfast and late evening snack are invariable. I may be brain-dead at breakfast-time, and don't want to think about what to have. And the late evening snack has to be part of a going-to-bed ritual. I do add a cooked element to my breakfasts if I fancy it, although that tends to be mid-morning, or even at lunchtime. I follow this regime every day, whether at home or in the caravan. I'd hate to be staying anywhere else, in a hotel say, and not being able to keep to this optimum eating-plan.

As you can see, I prefer a hot lunch and evening meal - not many cold salads for this child! But in between, I snack on fruit - lots of it - and mid-afternoon I'll usually have a cold chicken drumstick to tide me over. At home I absolutely reject sweet desserts, chocolate, crisps, and all manufactured goodies that many people regard as harmless indulgences. I don't want to touch them. For one thing, my teeth and gums are in remarkably good fettle for my age, and I don't want to subject them to a sugary assault.

The thing is, I want to eat attractive, tasty food, and plenty of it. And I can. Nearly all the things in my home-cooked meals are heartily approved of by Slimming World, and not in any way contrary to a good weight-loss plan. Indeed, as measured by my electronic scales at home, in the last week I have lost three pounds eating all the things in the photos (and a lot more besides). The advice of Slimming World works.

Some might say I'm eating too much meat. Well, I highlight red meat and white meat on my spreadsheets, and try not to consume overmuch of the red variety. Nevertheless, I must be exceeding the current recommended weekly personal consumption of red meat. If this really proves to be unhealthy, then I will change my habits; just as I've reduced my bread, butter and cheese intake to almost nothing. But I don't want to forgo the particular nutrition that meat provides. There's a balance to be struck.

Nowadays I weigh myself at home on Thursday mornings, and get weighed again at the Slimming World group meeting the same evening, which will be tonight. I'm hoping that their scales will confirm a three pound weight loss. Or at least two pounds. I'm getting close to having my Two Stones Lost Certificate, which I'm eager to get! It's in the bag if their scales say 12 stones 12 pounds. My SW weight was 13 stones 1 pound last week, so it's possible. But not everything turns out as expected, and I may not 'officially' crash through the two-stone barrier until next week. Fingers crossed, anyway!

Sequel
Well, my 'official' weight loss at Slimming World was only one pound. Good enough. But it'll be next week for the Two-Stones Lost Certificate.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Nightflight To Venus. Penmere, actually.


Hmmm! An electric conversation going on there! What's the story? (It's not one of my pictures, by the way)

But first, a pub-quiz question. Which very popular late 1970s pop group had a big hit with a song that begins with a chorus of

Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

Is it a poser? Or are you so knowledgeable that you can blurt forth the answer without thinking? OK, a quick gratification. It was the opening to Rasputin, the 1978 hit by Boney M. It got to number 2 in the UK charts, number 1 in Australia. A lively number, and no mistake, featuring a balalaika riff, a potted history of what the Mad Monk did, what the besotted 'Moscow chicks' thought of him, and how he met his end at the hands of desperate noblemen who thought he had bewitched the Tsar and his family, and was ruining the country.

As you may know, Rasputin was very hard to kill, the suggestion being that he was in league with the Arch Fiend himself. But I think he was just full of life, and the indomitable will to live. And such a fiery will to survive surely had its foundations in the robust physicality of the man. Those 'Moscow chicks' in the song must have thrilled to his sensual vitality, and swooned to his touch.

I sound like an admirer, but his brutality would have put me off. Not every woman wants a bit of rough, and he was super-rough. And I dare say he smelled. Whether I would have been able to withstand those hypnotic eyes of his is another matter, of course.

Back to that picture on a train above. Here it is again:


It's the everyday work of an advertising firm, using four hired actors, arranged just so in the picture, with suitable expressions on their faces. But somehow it strikes me as having something extra about it. Possibly something unintended.

The two foreground characters, the woman and the man, seem to be enjoying rather more than a mere casual chat of the kind strangers fall into - indeed the kind that I have had myself from time to time, when on a train. This is the real thing. They have established a connection. They are seriously interested in each other. And getting on jolly well. So much so, that two other girls nearby are watching them avidly, to see what develops. I say 'watching them' but actually their eyes are on him; and it appears that they are fascinated by him just as much as the girl in the foreground.

And yet there's nothing remarkable about his appearance. He looks fiftyish, and seems to shop at Debenhams. But the ad is clearly suggesting that despite his greying hair and brown jacket, he has sex appeal in spades. I think the ad is suggesting more: that the most ordinary of us acquire a certain mystique on a train. We become alluring strangers that other passengers will speculate about, and want to talk to. And if the initiative is taken, by accident or design, well, look what can happen! Strangers can find themselves having a delicious conversation! And it might lead to love. Or, if not love itself - and a marriage proposal - then at least an irrepressible urge to get off at the next stop and have sex without delay. With fellow-passengers included.

And am I being all that fanciful? Look again at their eyes, and their expressions. He's scored. He knows he has. And they want him to do something about it.

And, since this is a railway-platform poster, it's a cunning enticement to buy a ticket and enjoy some adventure. Targeting people like that chap. But really anybody with spare time and a frustrated libido. What are you waiting for, the poster says!

Here it is, in all its glory:


I saw this when at Penmere station, one of the three Falmouth stations on what is now marketed as the Maritime Line. The line runs between Falmouth Docks and Truro, and enjoys a frequent service. I'd say that £4.40 for a cheap day return to nearby Truro is no great bargain, but £10.40 to go all the way to Plymouth (a big city to be sure, and definitely a good place for brand-new lovers wanting an an intimate lunch) is more like it. And Senior Railcard holders like myself would get a third off those prices! Wow! Better make sure I've cleaned my teeth, and my underwear looks great for that kit-off moment that's bound to come.

At this point I have to confess that the post hasn't so far achieved what I wanted, which was to link the good time being enjoyed by Debenhams Man on the train with Rasputin's magnetic allure and licentious ways. But that now seems a bit far-fetched and over the top, and the wrong thing to attempt.

Still, in a vague sort of way, I think there is a point to be made. The ad does seem to be encouraging people to regard a train journey from Penmere to Truro - or Plymouth - or indeed anywhere else on First Great Western's system, such as Bodmin Parkway, or Exeter St David's, or Severn Tunnel Junction - as a Sexual Odyssey they must not miss.

Was that intended? Well, yes or no, the poster caught my eye, and that was the message I drew from it. And if I hadn't, you wouldn't have had this post. So QED.

Let's now go off on another tangent.

I mentioned that Falmouth had three stations. It's one of Cornwall's largest towns. All the stations are different, and all cater for a different type of townie. Falmouth Docks, the terminus, is the station for those dwelling in the yachty marina flats and apartments. Falmouth Town is for town centre residents, of the better-off sort. Penmere (where this aspirational poster was) is for another kind of resident, with pockets slightly less deep. Further up the line towards Truro is Penryn, which is used by a lot of students living on the nearby University campus. Then there's Perranwell, which is a longish step away from the village of that name, and used only by piskies.

For most of the day, and on into the evening, there's a half-hourly train service on the Maritime Line. That's as good as the distinctly more suburban-feeling line between Exeter St David's and Exmouth. And almost as good as you'd expect in Sussex - between Lewes and Seaford for example. But this is Cornwall! Train services didn't used to be so frequent. I can only suppose it's a symptom of modern life: there are more people around, and everyone needs to make more journeys, and that justifies better railway services.

It also justifies improving station facilities. And the beautifying of run-down halts covered in weeds and litter, which is what Penmere was at one time. But a local volunteer group took it in hand, and have turned this little station into an absolute gem. It's gorgeously well-planted in a semi-tropical way, and a lovely place to wait for a train. Look at these pictures:


When it was just a run-down wayside halt, the station was called Penmere Platform. The volunteers have unashamedly pressed the nostalgia button, and recreated the old Great Western Railway brown-and-cream signage.


The modern facilities don't go too well with the traditional ones, but it's nice to have them there.


Considering that all that vegetation must grow at a rate of knots in the mild but damp Cornish weather, the volunteer group do very well to keep it all fairly immaculate. They have information boards up, to explain their formation, their subsequent achievements, and their accolades:


And while there I had a photographic bonus! A train came along!


It was slightly embarrassing. The driver thought I wanted to get on the train, and of course I was merely checking out the station, and shooting some pix, before driving off in Fiona. I got the impression that he wrote me off as a mad foreign tourist who had somehow wandered too far from her coach. Hey ho; it's the way I speak, and my funny hard-to-pin-down accent.

Perhaps I ought to have got on board for the hell of it, and travelled onwards to Falmouth Town, and beyond that, to Falmouth Docks. It really wouldn't have been all that far to walk back and collect Fiona. Look at this map:


Who knows, I might have got into amazing conversation with a seductive stranger!

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

We're really in business now! A Sony lanyard comes to the rescue.

The saga continues. Let me see. I'd bought a proper Tech21 case for my new phone. I'd made a leather sleeve to protect my new phone's screen when bagged. I'd discovered that voice control of the shutter release let me have a firmer grip.

But one thing was missing. Some method of ensuring that I couldn't drop this shiny new wonder. I've found a good solution.

Really, it's obvious, and it merely copies what I do to make certain that the Panasonic LX100 camera doesn't slip from my fingers: fix a lanyard between the phone and my wrist.

In fact I had thought of doing this with my previous phone, and the phone before that. There was, however, always a snag. Whereas the Panasonic (in common with most 'proper' cameras) has lugs for a neck strap, one of which can be used for a wrist strap (or lanyard), no phone has such lugs. They are a styling no-no. So Tigerlily was natively bereft of any way of attaching a cord.

And then I saw that Tigerlily in her Tech 21 case might be so secured.

Getting out my 7x  jewellers' loup, I found a minute gap between the bottom edge of the case and Tigerlily herself, where there are holes to let one plug in earphones, insert a USB cable, and allow the sound from the speaker to propagate. Now what if I threaded a small-diameter cord in there, and looped it back on itself?

But what kind of cord? It would have to be very strong for its small size. Not ordinary thread. Not ordinary string. In any event, It would have to look as if it were a proper piece of kit.

And then I recalled that I still had the lanyard that came with the Sony tablet I bought in 2012. It would be entirely suitable. So here it is, attached. (Photos courtesy of the Panasonic)



And here are some close-up shots, showing how the thin (but very strong) cord of the Sony lanyard can be threaded through the 'grille' formed by the holes in the bottom edge of the Tech21 case:


There's enough 'give' in the cord to pull it aside (well, downwards in the next shot) whenever I need to connect the USB cable:


And here are some shots of me, using Tigerlily to take the following photos - with the lanyard attached. It's strictly unnecessary in my own carpeted bedroom, of course. But supposing I were out in a city street? Or up the proverbial Empire State Building, with jostling people nudging my arm all the time, and a high risk of the phone accidentally cascading into oblivion, unless tethered to me?


That's a weird shot!


All the last three were taken with a voice command, myself saying 'capture'. If, when in selfie mode, you say 'capture' or 'sugar' or 'atishoo' (or whatever word will work), you get a few handy seconds to compose your lips into a stunning smile or grin, the passage of time being indicated onscreen. In ordinary mode, the voice command is instantly effective.

Anyway, by not having to compromise the grip with a finger poised to tap the on-screen shutter button, my phone remains very firmly held. And the lanyard around my wrist is extra assurance that the phone will not crash to the floor if those fingers of mine should fumble, and Tigerlily slips out of my hands. If that should happen, she will merely swing from the wrist.

I accept that in some circumstances she might swing sideways into something, but then she's in a high-tech case that promises to mitigate the impact. Nor do I think that, in any likely slipping-from-the-fingers scenario, she would pop out of the case and fall to her doom.

So there you are. A phone now fully ready for the rigours of street life, or for a rugged tramp across moorland, or for climbing a high rocky ridge!  

With the lanyard attached, Tigerlily now weighs precisely 200g. The Panasonic, excluding its case, weighs 409g - twice as much. And Tigerlily can shrug off a light rain shower. She's waterproofed. Arguably, she's all I need for the Scottish Highlands, or the Lake District, or a rainy day in Redcar.

But of course I'll still carry both of them, because the phone won't shoot long-distance views very well. No small-sensor camera can; and the Panasonic's four-thirds sensor is nine times the area of Tigerlily's. But now I can deploy either with equal confidence that I can keep a firm grip, in any situation where a camera can be used.

A footnote on those on-screen virtual shutter buttons
I've set Tigerlily's camera up to have two such buttons - one in the usual place, the other within the picture-taking frame, just where I'd tap the screen with my right index finger if holding the camera 'landscape' style. As in this close-up. (It's a mirror reflection, so that's actually my right hand) The shutter buttons are the large white blobs:


You can't always give voice commands. So this dodge makes a manual shutter release slightly easier.

A footnote on firing the shutter by voice command, using a word containing a SH sound
It can't be done if you are a Gileadite, because you won't be able to articulate a SH sound. In fact you will be killed by the Ephraimite guards. (See the Bible, Judges, Chapter 12, verses 1-15) Best to use your fingers to take any photos of the Ephraimite host. Similarly a speaker of any language that does not contain a SH sound will also be unable to operate the shutter with a voice command, and will also be at risk of a sword thrust. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe Hawaiian speakers, whose language not only lacks a SH sound, but any kind of S sound whatever, are particularly likely to be slaughtered by the bloodthirsty Ephraimites, and ought not to attempt a crossing of the River Jordan.

And here's a warning to anyone else who tries to engage the Ephraimites in casual conversation. Don't try it while wearing a grass skirt, a flower necklace, and strumming a ukelele. The Ephraimites won't see reason. They'll consider you to be Hawaiian, and cut you down at once. So my advice is this: take your shot with your fingers, and get out of there, and not say a word.