I start writing this at 8.00pm, and had I attended this evening's Slimming World group meeting I would still be there. As it is, I've already cooked and eaten my evening meal, and I'm about to watch BBC1's Shetland drama on iPlayer, as soon as I finish this post and free up the laptop screen. It's rather nice to have my Thursday evenings back!
Although I had told my local girl friends Jackie and Jo that I was bringing my visits to SW to a close, Jackie was surprised this morning when I reminded her that I wouldn't be going tonight. Well, a week ago the cut-off date was going to be the end of March, then three weeks ahead. But that changed.
I put it this way to her in a text: 'I did originally think I'd see out my current Countdown [a block of twelve weigh-ins, paid for in advance] - which would take me neatly to the end of March - but now I just want to finish it at once, and without fuss or formality. I don't want to go along and explain and justify. People drop out all the time, of course. In any case, with departure for Devon so close, and preps to get on with, I can really use this Thursday evening! Lucy XX'.
And I did make good use of the time, cleaning the cooker and fridge in the caravan. And cooking early, not late.
I thought not attending tonight's group meeting wouldn't trouble me, but actually it has. It's odd, isn't it? In a funny way I feel I've joined the ranks of those who join then give up, not being equal to the commitment, and that I ought to be ashamed of myself. It's not a strong feeling: I'm certainly not racked with guilt. But I do think that perhaps I should have gone there tonight, to bring it all to a proper end, an 'official' end, rather than just letting my membership lapse without a word. Even though I've never noticed anybody else make a formal announcement that they are quitting. And despite the fact that, in life generally, a neat and tidy ending is only rarely achievable.
Perhaps I just like to do the right thing, and not the lazy thing, nor the ill-mannered thing. And I'm sure that my upbringing compels me to explain and apologise, when no explanation or apology is expected. I urgently need to get past that, and not worry about what people might think.
I dare say this is really all about wanting to be remembered with affection, and not as somebody who slunk away without saying goodbye. Well, I'll just have to let people decide for themselves what lay behind my sudden departure. Jackie intends to carry on going to SW once a month. She has reached her weight-loss target, and the deal then is that provided you attend a weigh-in at least once every eight weeks, and are no more than three pounds over or under target, then that and future attendances are entirely free. She'll go because she likes SW's recipe booklets, and the low-syn snacks they sell, and will want to buy some of those. Who knows, she may be asked what became of me.
It's a good thing that I'm about to go on holiday! It isn't good to dwell on something not done as well as it could have been done.