Friday, 17 March 2017

Nipples

I haven't seen very much attention paid to this subject. Here's my contribution.

A question: do you ever have a passing wish that your nipples were bigger, and had a better shape? By which I mean looking significantly more shapely and protuberant, just as if a host of milk-hungry babies had been sucking voraciously at them - with permanent effect?

Of course, there must be an awful lot of women around with swollen nipples worn ragged from the gnawings of infants (and quite possibly husbands), but the rest of us, who never had to personally feed the fruit of our loins (nor pander to our partners' fantasies), might be stuck in what you could term a juvenile 'pre-motherhood' stage where the peanuts, still pristine, aren't all that impressive.

I don't know about you, but when wearing my summer gear this year I would, for once, like to be just a little more feminine, and have two distinct pointy bumps showing through bra and top. Not enough to be provocative; of course not; but enough to be noticeable. Enough to assert my female presence, to bolster what is left of my fading looks, and put a stop that dreadful creeping invisibility that afflicts nearly all older women. I haven't been chatted up for ages. I don't exist, it seems. I'm recovering a good body shape with weight-loss; I'm starting to get better-toned with gardening; I constantly give a high priority to hair and clothes and nice jewellery. Paying attention to other bits of myself seems perfectly logical.

And I don't mind at all if some men's eyes get fixated. I have long had a theory that when it comes to breasts, uncouth idiotic rednecks go for big melons - the bigger the better, whatever has a high coarrr factor; but discerning, distinguished and intelligent men of the world - men with a keen and artistic eye for detail - go for big nipples instead. (This could be regarded as a broad generalisation somewhat open to challenge, but I claim that it's soundly based on years and years of observation)

So how to achieve this?

I did a little Internet research, and it seems that one method that definitely works is to subject each nipple to suction. In the absence of a handy baby, some women resort to vacuum pumps. The theory is that pulling on the nipple (either by hanging weights - bells, say - or applying strong suction by some means) stimulates the body to produce additional nipple tissue that persists. There is a ballpark figure of 10% tissue gain for every nipple-suction session properly performed.

Well, I think the general method, as outlined, might indeed work - though a 10% nipple-tissue gain per session seems a very bold claim to me. I'm sure it really takes weeks and weeks and weeks to achieve any permanent result worth the effort involved. However, I'm inclined to have a go. Hmm...a suction pump? No, not a triple-expansion thing that will pump up an air bed, or one's car tyres. It could be something like this:


These will do the job. They are inexpensive, and genuinely designed to correct inverted or flat nipples. Worth a try, I'd say.

Use is apparently simple. One first smears oil onto the existing nipples and the surrounding areola - baby oil, say - to help create an air seal. Then, for each nipple in turn, one places a pump over the end of the breast, presses the bulb bit to expel most of the air inside, and with the air seal established, releases the bulb to make a vacuum that sucks the nipple outward and onward - to infinity and beyond, in fact. I imagine that a certain amount of judgement is needed, to avoid dragging too much areola into the contraption. But it seems that is all you do, and some effect must surely ensue.

It isn't however explained how you get on with your daily life with these things stuck on the ends of each breast.

I mean, you can't really go outdoors, and do some shopping: people might notice. Even around the house, some activities will be compromised. Remember that any clothing worn over the pumps might dislodge them; so one would have to be naked from the waist up. Tricky to do much cooking, then, especially with woks and frying pans. And you couldn't really open your front door, if someone who wasn't a friend rang your doorbell. You know: builders looking for trade, Jehovah's Witnesses, local politicians, that kind of caller. I admit it wouldn't bother neighbours, or your friendly postman. They'd take it in their stride, and would quite possibly laugh heartily with you.

To overcome that nude-upper-half problem, it occurs to me that you could try a variety of much smaller devices. I read for instance that filling two small plastic bottles with hot water to heat them up, then, discarding the water, placing the open end of a bottle over each nipple, would create suction as the air inside the bottle rapidly cooled. Hmm...yes...I see...the appliance of science!

But for ultimate discretion why not use thimbles? Then, once some suction was established, one could hold the thimbles in place with a bra. Genius.

That sounds thoroughly workable, doesn't it? One could go about one's daily round wearing ordinary clothes. Freedom at last! There would just be these thimble-sized protuberances on one's chest, which might excite remark at the Waitrose checkout. But then - hey - don't you want nipples looking just like that?

2 comments:

  1. I would be very surprised if any suction method gave you a permanent improvement. Unless you have been on hormones since an early age, there probably won't be enough flesh to work on.

    Cis-gendered female nipples really are quite 'meaty' (for want of a better word). My beloved, who had shallow nipples, did see some improvement to aid breast feeding, but even then the improvement didn't last.

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  2. I'm reluctantly in agreement, Angie. My initial experiments haven't been encouraging, and I may not invest in any special equipment. I suppose you can only get temporary improvements, and always revert to how nature intended.

    Lucy

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