Monday, 14 October 2013


I spent yesterday afternoon with my friend K---, partly to enjoy a Sunday Lunch - a vast home-made game pie no less, with poached peaches to follow - but also to look seriously at humorous audio podcasting and to decide whether we really will try to produce a short series of them for the Internet. Audio, because neither of us are ready for a proper stand-up video session just now. (That is, standing up on a stage with K--- telling the one-liners, while I play stooge)

We listened to several podcast examples, to draw out what could be done, ending up hearing a lot of Richard Herrings's Me 1 versus Me 2 Snooker, Frame 35 which seemed hilarious. Recommended.

Basically we already have the essential equipment, including the software, and can produce something whenever convenient. K---'s Apple laptop is sufficient to record the voices of two persons sitting close by, and then to edit the result, eliminating awkward embarrassing pauses, deadend discussion topics, boring digressions, slurred speech, swearing, failed jokes, character assassination, slanderous statements, unPC remarks, prejudice, bigotry, ranting, yawns, farts, burps, belches, odd scratching noises, rasping graveyard coughs, explosive snot-ridden sneezing, cat miaows, dog barks, and other extraneous matter that might divert the listener from our core comedy performance. (Although if we exhaust our ready chatter in the first five minutes, we will certainly leave all of that in, just to pad it out a bit. Nobody will notice.) The aim is to produce ten minutes of top quality humour that millions of people will listen to on the Internet. K--- can use her audio expertise to add background music, or make it appear that Stephen Fry was there too, and generally polish our podcast to make it fit for release.

We are thinking of getting down to it for real in three days' time. It'll be K--- and Lucy: the Something Dialogues or some snappy name like that. Actually, we haven't yet settled on a title as such, and need to address this asap. It mustn't actually be anything like the Vagina Monologues, that's old hat and it's been parodied to death. In any case we won't be flying the feminist flag especially, nor will we be an advertisement for the trans community. We will simply be two up-and-coming young-at-heart female comediennes with a wining way with wine, words and wit. The perfect antidote, in fact, to the usual stuff that aims to make you chuckle. We shall aim to attract a universal audience, intelligent, hip and well-informed, who will be entranced by our lucid, cheerful and knowing dissection of the Hot Issues of the Day, spiced with original never-heard-before comedy and roguish digs at the vanities of contemporary life.

Unless we've eaten too well, had too much wine, keep losing the thread of what we were saying, and have to leave in the coughs, sneezes, farts, miaows and dog barks to make the thing seem interesting!


  1. You will be needing a sharp injection of Scouse methinks. well if you are into sarcasm at least. If you're game I'll shoot you! LOL
    Shirley Anne x

  2. It's going to be a challenge, Shirley Anne, considering that it's well-known that I have no sense of humour, Scouse or otherwise!


  3. Of Audio Podcasts, I know almost nothing. Of Apple laptops, I thought I knew a bit, but clearly didn't. The latter intrigues me. On those up-market machines, is there a button that automatically deletes yawns, burps, un-PC remarks, etc? And is it one button, or several? In my mind I can see them across the top of the screen now -- one for cats, another for dogs, a bright red one for farts and a meter on the right that measures the 'boring diversions per unit time' quotient. Perhaps if I tune in, all will become clear.

    But then I hit the first problem... I know almost nothing about podcasts! I trust an idiots' explanation will accompany the notice of your first broadcast to the nation.

    Yours tongue-in-cheekily,


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