Thursday, 10 January 2013

Lesson learned

The recent encounter with people who took exception to some of my December posts has had a more salutory effect than they would have expected. 

It was an important anniversary for me to have been LM for four years. It felt like an achievement against the odds, certainly worth a post. But what was the real point of that photo gallery showing gradual changes in my appearance? I quite see how it could look narcissistic, rather than a celebration of progress. It was me, me, me - excusable in year one, inappropriate in year four. The post about drinking was also unnecessary. It was the stuff of self-appointed gurus. Written for a social group that needed no such advice, and probably wouldn't want it from someone they'd now regard as part of the ordinary world, someone who had moved on. And I was indeed suggesting things that reinforced artificial stereotypes. I really should have known better.

These posts were taken down a few days ago. I think it was the best thing to do. They were not seen as harmless. They had the potential to cause a war of words. Although it's fine and OK to describe what one gets up to and believes in, it's not fine and OK to push it at people as if one is an expert. That's irritating, and can be provocative.

Besides, the perceived provocation could end up damaging innocent people. There is, for instance, the other girl in the UK who is also called Lucy Melford, the one who is on Facebook: I wouldn't want her bothered by a deluge of critical messages from people who thought she was me.

Finally, these posts did not represent the sort of writing that I want to develop in 2013. They were a product of having too much time on my hands over Christmas. Lesson learned, I think.


  1. We can't help but be fascinated by others changes, it even had me collating images but very soon realised that they could never be for public consumption...

    If we ever feel low a quick glance at a changing look file tucked away in a corner of the computer can soon bring us to our senses.

  2. We all make hasty decisions at times but there is no shame in that if we feel we ought to make amends. I don't have any pictures of myself in drab and only a few pre-op ones but they are all en femme. In fact I never had picture of myself before transition at all!

    Shirley Anne x

  3. True. I didn't have to make my celebration public though, and I do now see how it laid me open to comment from an unexpected quarter. And by association many of my friends. The ability to publish almost anything you like has to be used wisely, otherwise your writing becomes devalued.

    I'm sure that I will want to say something more about how it feels to have gone from state A to state B, then gradually on to state C. Especially if anything happens in my day to day life which illustrates a point rather well. And there are bound to be more pictures of myself as I currently am. But perhaps no more galleries showing the effects of hormones.


  4. Came across a lovely phrase today "some people will cross the road to be offended" so there wil allways be someone taking offense. For me its a matter of tone, you allways seem to have a light touch so it would be hard to take issue. If you cannot be a bit self indulgent in your own blog where can you be?


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Lucy Melford