I wouldn't say I am stuffing myself with food, nor eating the wrong things. There are no sweets or biscuits in the house. But my weight (and plumpness) continues to increase bit by bit. I've decided to take myself in hand, and follow the regime I used in January and February 2011, in the run-up to my surgery. I kept exact details of every meal, every drink, the quantities consumed and the calorific value. I still have those daily notes. That regime - which wasn't a starvation diet, impossible to sustain, but a measured, cut-down version of my ordinary food intake - allowed me to lose 10kg in less than two months. I could still enjoy attractive meals made from fresh, high-quality ingredients. They were just smaller, and more carefully thought out. Without so many snacks. I was glad to increase my food intake during the post-op convalescence - cooking was then my main 'activity', and eating was my main pleasure - but pre-op the daily discipline, against a target, was a good challenge and one I'm happy to face again. And this time, not on surgeon's instructions, but because I want to be more attractive. The butterball look isn't me.
Initially my target is to get back to 90kg. Then to 85kg. Then to 80kg, where I'll stop. 80kg is realistic: I will still be nicely rounded, but noticeably slimmer.
Why do I care about being attractive, if I keep on declaring that I want to stay free and independent? It's about self-respect. And it's wanting clothes to fit me properly. And it's wanting good health as I get older. Weight will wear out my joints. I don't want to be dismissed as an overweight lump with a fat face and bad knees.
Taking more exercise would help a lot. Two years ago I had a weekly badminton thrash, but I've lost my inclination for that, quite apart from the cost. I greatly enjoy walking, but Sussex is short on wild and remote countryside and coast, and I've done all the easily-accessible South Downs bits to death. But of course, that's no excuse. I've got all the right equipment - boots, bad-weather wear, the lot - and will have to get out and do the miles. At least it will cost nothing except the fuel to get to the car park and back. I made a start while on holiday in Devon, walking part of the Tarka Trail in the rain. There'll be a post on that shortly, once I've fully processed my holiday photos. (Washing and ironing have had to come first!)