The dreadful violence inflicted on the girl in Cornwall by her boyfriend is in the news today, and it's totally shocking.
I too feel that this is an example of a man regarding his wants as paramount, justifying ruthlessly exercised control over his victim, including cruel punishments and revenge. With this awful result. It's yet another warning that anyone in a relationship where one partner enforces undue control is in mortal danger. Even if it's only mental pressure for now, it may escalate. And if it's already physical, then the abused partner should get out while they can. The Police say so. It's official. The situation will only get worse: the controlling partner will want ever more power, ever more debasement of his victim.
The pity is that so many women will put up with abuse. Is it for the illusion of love, or the otherwise super lifestyle, or simply for the sake of their children? But ultimately they will have to leave when the abuse gets too intense, and quite probably this will be a desperate, crisis-led decision, when it might have been a carefully planned withdrawal with primed friends at the ready. Recognising the situation for what it really is seems to be the biggest problem.
It all argues against forming any relationship with someone who has a flawed personality. But how do you know? 'I have an inhuman, remorseless urge to dominate' is not something that dating site members admit to each other during the first fascinating meetup. Besides, the potential victim may not know what the warning signs are. Or she might get an intoxicating thrill out of having a very possessive, demanding, jealous and highly physical lover. I get the impression that the girl most at risk will be poorly educated, low-income, over-trusting, over-dependent, and inclined to under-value herself. But one can imagine any woman finding herself in a relationship that has a dark side.
Sigh. The behaviour of this man towards the poor girl was appalling, and must make decent men hot with shame and anger. But the destruction of women by bad men of this kind still goes on, despite legal retribution.
Perhaps the only safe course is to forego any relationships at all, not just dodgy ones. I was personally inclined to adopt that course anyway; but after today's news, it becomes prudent and reasonable to stay away from any entanglement whatsoever.
Bottom line: if you share a bed, will you dare to fall asleep?