Friday, 20 April 2012

Ten days of struggle has its reward (and sad moments)

Well, I finally got my new BT Broadband service running on wi-fi by six o'clock this evening, after a whole afternoon struggling with it.

If you've ever done this sort of thing, you'll know how maddening it is when everything has been followed to the letter, connected in the right sequence, in the right way, with the right lights showing, and yet there is still no connection! Enough said. But it's working now. Indeed, I have an 'excellent' wi-fi signal, according to my Sony tablet, which picked it up straight away. (Now why couldn't the Netgear USB adapter for my PC do the same thing?) BT's advice is that a new Broadband connection takes up to ten days to achieve full power, which might explain why the YouTube videos I tried to watch keep freezing. Hopefully, all that will improve.

I'm just beginning to feel that I can start getting back to normal - and back to blogging. I can only blog when I'm doing real things and reacting to real events. And messing about with computer devices is not exactly my notion of real life!

I haven't felt a sense of normality since 10th April, when I bought the Sony tablet - and with that, committed myself to modernising my entire Internet arrangements. Well, I now only need to download some applications for the Sony. It's already loaded up with music and pictures, and will soon have all my documents and spreadsheets too, all of them reformatted to go in cleanly. And the Whole Wonderful World of Android is going to be open for my inspection! A kind of reward for all the effort and frustration.

So comfortable lounge-lolling armchair computing has finally arrived at Melford Hall - as opposed to doing it in the study, sitting on a hard chair. That's an advance, isn't it?

And isn't it an advance to be able to whip out the Sony in plenty of other places too, wherever there's wi-fi? Like in my garden. Or down in Brighton. Or maybe on a train to London (maybe!). Or at the Cirencester Caravan Club site, which is where I'm going in late May. I'm not counting my chickens, but the site does have wi-fi, and that might mean a decent Internet connection. Better than TV if the weather is bad!

I mentioned 'sad moments' in my title. Well, most of my 480 or so existing Word documents and Excel spreadsheeets needed to be converted into Office 2007 documents and spreadsheets, so that they could be imported to the Sony and handled by my chosen office application - let's say Quickoffice - without problems. Inevitably I looked at quite a few of the documents. Some of the older ones, which I'd still like to have on the Sony, recorded my life with M---. Our plans, our doings - mostly very nice things; but latterly the awful drift into the pit of despair as my transition progressed. I wrote a lot about all this, and now read it back again.

That was a mistake. By mid-evening yesterday I felt so sad that I cried in total anguish, like M--- had done three years before now. I felt the same pain. And nothing of our life together can now be put back as it was.

I don't want to return to the old life - it's obviously impossible anyway - but it broke my heart to think of what had been lost. And although I don't know how M--- is placed now, I suspect that the damage my transition did to her is unhealed. Poor M---. And poor Lucy too. Life is cruel and nobody escapes, good or bad, guilty or innocent.

I cried till I could cry no more, then had a cup of tea, pulled myself together, had a hearty 'comfort' meal (too hearty really, but it cheered me up), and by bedtime I felt back to normal. I do bounce back quickly: I can't sustain an extreme mood - ecstatic or depressed - for very long. I'm a middle-of-the-road person, with a middling level of happiness. Maybe that's best.

Some of you might say, 'For goodness sake, delete those notes!' But I won't, because I want to remember how it was, and not rely on memory alone. It's all part of my personal history. Delete my records, and you surely delete part of me.

This is actually written from the PC. Old habits die hard! I'll try writing the next post from the Sony.

1 comment:

  1. Oh don't I know about trying to get routers working and establishing a connection. Exactly as you said, I went through everything methodically step by step and still had problems, great when everything came together just as yours has. They say these things are foolproof to set up but I say there must be many 'fools' out there to test that theory...LOL

    Shirley Anne xxx


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