Monday, 2 January 2012

Oh, you pretty things!

Examining my Christmas and New Year photos - quite a lot of them, all showing convivial scenes of the people I see most of - I can't help noticing how good we trans women look nowadays. Something seems to have happened to us in the last year or so. We have got much more female-shaped: we've got prettier; our skin is smoother; the hair is longer and more nicely styled; we've plumped out and rounded off; boney and muscular arms and legs look slender and girly; the voices could be better, but are adequate; posture is better; movements are light and graceful; and behaviour is mostly natural and womanly.

Maybe if any of us especially caught the attention of a natal girl, we'd be read as trans, but clearly we are not attracting especial attention, even if sitting in a group; even if we have a natal woman sitting with us, to provide instant comparison.

How does this come to be? We all have more girly faces: we are all well advanced down the road of facial hair removal, and one or two of us have had surgical tweaks to our noses and lips and chins and brows. We all, however contrived, have a bust. Two of us are naturally slim and willowy, which disguises the effect of height. The rest have heftier builds, but in the way of all women who are perennially fighting a weight problem, and not in the way of male all-in wrestlers or rugby-playing mesomorphs. Yes, the look helps. But also we are all living the female life either full-time or mostly. There is nothing like being a woman every day to turn you into one. It gets to be a habit, and once you don't have to watch every word and gesture, the stiltedness and awkwardness vanish.

Of course, I'm sure we all have private reservations about how good we really are. I do. And yet, while the camera may exaggerate and distort, there's no denying that my own general appearance is changed from what it was a year ago, and in particular two years ago - and all in the direction of femininity, as if I've been pushed along a spectrum somewhat. That's partly down to what I've learned, a gradual accustomising to new circumstances, a conditioning to the female way of doing things, and the place of a female in society. But mostly it's the result of hormones on my brain and my body.

Despite realising this, and despite constant evidence - every day - that I pass unnoticed and unremarked, and can be natural in any situation met so far, I am insecure. But then perhaps every woman is, for one reason or another, but especially as youth fades. I ought to take comfort in the fact that unlike most natal women, trans women have lifelong HRT, which in late middle age, when all natal women are post-menopausal, is an advantage. Women on effective HRT treatment escape the ravages of time for longer. And looking years younger than you really are is quite something.

But are we pretty? Specifically, are we attractive enough to engage and win a special companion? Well, one or two of my younger friends are, most certainly, very pretty things. Both facially and bodily. Combine that with serene (perhaps even sweet) testosterone-free natures, and it wouldn't take much more physical development for them to become indistinguishable from the sort of ordinary girl that people typically find the most attractive. With all that implies.

If you share the view that trans women are simply girls who were born with masculinised bodies, and have every right to change their outward appearance to match how they are inside, then an alluring appearance is a Good Thing, perfectly appropriate. A natural and worthy aim for anybody trapped in that situation. And what is the difference between a woman who was born beautiful, and one who has made herself so?

3 comments:

  1. I like this post Lucy. Much of what you say I have experienced too. It is noticeable to me that the further I go down the road the less I feel insecure and more secure as a woman going about her daily business. I am a very gregarious person and will speak to anyone, probably too much for my own good but I cannot change my nature. In doing so I find those I speak with haven't a clue that I am a post-op girl. There is always that sense of insecurity when in an unfamiliar place, mostly it is unfounded but it may also just be a girly thing you know, simply taking care of your own safety. when I think of my past I remember that I was always timid and frightened of certain people and places and that has been ingrained into my psyche. I suppose that is why I usually make the first contact with people, sort of disarming them with my personality (LOL). Hormones are the key to looking feminine there is no doubt about that and the longer they have been taken the more feminine they make you become in all areas. I was fortunate to have always looked about ten to fifteen years younger than my age so that coupled with my hormone regime makes most folk think I am in my mid forties rather than my actual age of 66. I have the energy of a forty year-old anyway (LOL). I am so happy for you though that you are enjoying your life now as Lucy and have realised what a wonderful affect the change (I mean correction) has had upon you.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  2. Well said, petal... I totally agree.

    That's partly why I posted a pic of me in my undies on my blog a couple of months ago.

    It was not done to shock, but just as an exercise to demonstrate that I had changed enormously and that my confidence had increased, and that I saw no reason why, if I were brave enough, I should not show off a little flesh now and again like other women do.. :-)

    Chrissie

    xxx

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  3. I think it's part of being a woman to make the best of ourselves. Lucy you could teach a lot of women a few tricks, I am sure.

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