Monday, 28 November 2011

My silver necklace and its meaning

You'll have noticed that I don't wear gold, and never vary my jewellery much, the standard items being a plain silver ring on my left little finger, a curly-looking silver ring on my right ring finger, a stainless-steel Tag Heuer lady's watch on my left wrist, a chunky silver bangle on my right wrist, and discreet titanium studs in my ears. The only thing that ever gets changed is the neckware, and even here it's almost always just one of three items nowadays: my pearls, a Labradorite pendant with a silver chain, and a thick silver necklace that looks a bit like a slow-worm. This post is about the last item.

You'll have often seen my slow-worm in pictures of myself. Here it is in close-up with the Labradorite pendant:


And here it is around my neck in a Winchester pub yesterday evening:


Yesterday was an anniversary. Exactly three years ago, on 27 November 2008, M--- bought that slow-worm for me as a gift when we were in Bournemouth for the day. It came from a shop just off the town centre called Enigma. My coming-out to her was still recent; she was still struggling to cope; we'd had a blazing row that afternoon; but, meeting up later, the anger and frustration felt by both sides had died down, and we earnestly wanted to be good to each other. I'd seen this necklace in Enigma. I'd wanted one like it for years past. I'd bought M--- a slightly more slender version twelve years previously. Now I wanted to have one myself, to match hers. In a way, a strong gesture of togetherness when so much was starting to fall apart. I had hesitated over the cost. She didn't hesitate. The purchase was made. Once mine, I wore it proudly, straight away. Of course it was a very girly possession: my first openly-wearable major item of proper ladies jewellery. But it was still androgynous enough for her to feel comfortable with it.

It was the last present from her that was given in anything like the circumstances, with anything like the feeling, of all the other gifts we'd given each other through the years.

We didn't stop buying more things for each other in the months ahead. For instance, when I finally had to move out, I bought her a laptop and other stuff to go with it, so that - with my PC gone - she could still process her own photos and be on the Internet. She bought me things like a Chinese tea set, exquisite and attractive and loaded with significance. But all these following things were given with sadness and regret for what was passing, and were inevitably either practical gifts, or tinged with symbolism for what had been, and was now tragically fading, and might in time be forgotten.

But the slow-worm was different. I loved it, and it gave me pleasure and hope, if not for us, then for a meaningful future I couldn't yet see, but felt sure would come. And it has, but M--- is not in it, and it isn't the future she wanted but the future she feared. And that is a sad thing that is sometimes very hard to bear; but at least I have this reminder that, despite everything, I was once loved with an all-consuming fire, and without despair.

4 comments:

  1. Ah how lovely! I can tell that your separation wasn't an easy thing to endure (is it ever?). It is nice to have something to link to the old times you shared together and I know you treasure it. I guess I am lucky to be still living with my ex. Had things turned out differently, like the house getting sold (which it didn't)I don't know what I'd have done. The second half of our 30 years marriage wasn't good (it's all in my blog) but even so we still have that loving connection. Personally I do not wear much jewelry, never rings, sometimes a long necklace (coloured stones) of which I have a few but my weakness is earrings. I have plenty of those, most of which are dangly ones. I don't like studs, can't see the point in them. I like to feel my earrings when wearing them.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  2. Hi Lucy,

    I loved the simplicity of your post today, both in the subject matter and in the jewelry piece. I am sorry for the loss of one and do feel your pain. A lifetime of commitment is something I don't want to think about losing. So far I am very fortunate that my wife and I are still very much a couple who plan to stay just that way. The Lord has been very gracious in our lives.

    As for the necklace, it is very simply a most attractive piece of jewelry. Simple but elegant, and as you say, loaded with sentiment...a truly special piece.

    As for quite some time now, you are still in my prayers. Since coming to this place called Blogistan, I have found myself in a mission of love here as I pray for all my sisters. It has taken me a lifetime to come to this realization of who and what I am, and what I have to do to help my sisters here, and prayer has been the answer my Lord Jesus has given me.

    I love your blog for another reason as well. My father was born in England, and I have always wished I could travel to there someday and visit where he was born. Your blog brings some of my wishes to me via the internet. Thank you so very much.

    Hugs and prayers,

    Cynthia

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  3. M--- and I were an item from October 1994, and were seemingly more united and constant than most. But some things prove to be too much.

    Cynthia Jane, maybe I know the place where your father was born. Are you able to tell me?

    Lucy

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  4. Lucy, I don't know how I came across your blog. This post touched me very much...maybe it is because I wish I could be friends with my ex h...but we tried that and it really didn't work. I wear his wedding ring on my right hand, however, to this day. I like remembering how everything was once so solid. Jewelry is permanent...and our relationships are too--just not the physicality of them.
    I feel lucky to have stumbled across your blog.
    Celeste

    ReplyDelete

This blog is public, and I expect comments from many sources and points of view. They will be welcome if sincere, well-expressed and add something worthwhile to the post. If not, they face removal.

Ideally I want to hear from bloggers, who, like myself, are knowable as real people and can be contacted. Anyone whose identity is questionable or impossible to verify may have their comments removed. Commercially-inspired comments will certainly be deleted - I do not allow free advertising.

Whoever you are, if you wish to make a private comment, rather than a public one, then do consider emailing me - see my Blogger Profile for the address.

Lucy Melford