Friday, 21 October 2011

You use what you have

After publishing the post about last night's sexy dream, and reading the first comment made, a terrible thought eventually struck me. Was my sexual response really that of a man, and not that of a woman? After all, I had leaked seminal fluid, the stuff that would flow for any man in bed with the mysterious and very willing woman in my dream. (And it was a woman, not some man)

That was a disturbing notion.

But then I thought about it. My body was simply using what it had. Given the stimulus of the situation in the dream, some reaction was going to occur, and, thus triggered, the body could only throw in what was available. I wasn't a natal female, and so I didn't have the means to secrete vaginal mucus in copious amounts; but I still possessed  internal male bits that, if stimulated, would produce something suitable for the occasion - and that something was this seminal fluid. It didn't prove that I was acting as a man, or was enjoying sex in a male frame of mind. It simply meant that I was excited, and I was demonstrating it with the only fluid allowed by my anatomy.

In the early days of my transition, it was pointed out to me again and again that I'd sometimes had successful sex in the past. Not often, but there had been some good sessions, and I didn't deny it. These successes were however supposed to prove that I wasn't female-minded in any respect, because I'd done it the male way and got something out of it.

My answer to this was that everyone had sexual urges now and then, and if the internal pressure (or encouragement) to relieve them was too much, then you just went with the flow and enjoyed the moment in any way open to you. Lacking a woman's body, I had used the body I was born with. I made the best of it, and sometimes things went poorly, somethimes pretty well. Any orgasms, any feelings of euphoria, simply meant that the natural hunger for a good sensation with a woman I had profound feelings for had overcome my inhibitions and reticence.

But the only thing it actually 'proved' was that I was capable of experiencing great pleasure - and not that I was specifically one gender or another.

I don't know whether I'm right or wrong with this kind of thinking. I feel I'm right, but that could be self-deception. Now if it were possible to relive the dream under controlled conditions, and somehow record my brain activity in objective detail...

It seems the only practical way to put my frame of mind to the test would be a real-life trial. I don't think I'm quite ready for that!

5 comments:

  1. I think you have the right way of looking at it. We can't change our bodies DNA so we have to make the best of what we have been given.

    But I would say that you should enjoy the experience as many trans women have difficulty producing any lubrication at all.

    When you are ready to date then that is one less thing to worry about.

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  2. Yes, good point. I've found out - in advance of any potentially awkward real-life encounters - that I can flood the general area with fluid at the point of orgasm. That's very positive information.

    Now, if I'm allowed to come first, I can get away with minimal articial lubrication, maybe none at all.

    Lucy

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  3. I must admit that I get moist down there but I have never 'ejaculated' as a female. Purely academic in my case as I don't intend having intercourse anymore. Simply not interested. May I ask if you consider it a possibility, well no, of course it is a possibility, what I mean is do you think it will happen and do you want it to happen?

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  4. That's pretty direct, Shirley Anne, but I will freely respond. I think that self-enduced orgasms are a definite probability. Sex with a well-liked partner is less likely, but certainly a possibility if the right opportunity arises. Sex in a stable, long-term 'marriage' is the least likely scenario.

    Lucy

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  5. Well Lucy, why beat around the bush? Sorry for that pun too! I thank you for your honest reply although I wasn't trying to pry. What I wanted to know is if there was the possibility of intercourse and would it be welcomed. Just me being nosey but I understand now through your reply. Hugs

    Shirley Anne xxx

    ReplyDelete

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Lucy Melford