After publishing the post about last night's sexy dream, and reading the first comment made, a terrible thought eventually struck me. Was my sexual response really that of a man, and not that of a woman? After all, I had leaked seminal fluid, the stuff that would flow for any man in bed with the mysterious and very willing woman in my dream. (And it was a woman, not some man)
That was a disturbing notion.
But then I thought about it. My body was simply using what it had. Given the stimulus of the situation in the dream, some reaction was going to occur, and, thus triggered, the body could only throw in what was available. I wasn't a natal female, and so I didn't have the means to secrete vaginal mucus in copious amounts; but I still possessed internal male bits that, if stimulated, would produce something suitable for the occasion - and that something was this seminal fluid. It didn't prove that I was acting as a man, or was enjoying sex in a male frame of mind. It simply meant that I was excited, and I was demonstrating it with the only fluid allowed by my anatomy.
In the early days of my transition, it was pointed out to me again and again that I'd sometimes had successful sex in the past. Not often, but there had been some good sessions, and I didn't deny it. These successes were however supposed to prove that I wasn't female-minded in any respect, because I'd done it the male way and got something out of it.
My answer to this was that everyone had sexual urges now and then, and if the internal pressure (or encouragement) to relieve them was too much, then you just went with the flow and enjoyed the moment in any way open to you. Lacking a woman's body, I had used the body I was born with. I made the best of it, and sometimes things went poorly, somethimes pretty well. Any orgasms, any feelings of euphoria, simply meant that the natural hunger for a good sensation with a woman I had profound feelings for had overcome my inhibitions and reticence.
But the only thing it actually 'proved' was that I was capable of experiencing great pleasure - and not that I was specifically one gender or another.
I don't know whether I'm right or wrong with this kind of thinking. I feel I'm right, but that could be self-deception. Now if it were possible to relive the dream under controlled conditions, and somehow record my brain activity in objective detail...
It seems the only practical way to put my frame of mind to the test would be a real-life trial. I don't think I'm quite ready for that!