Friday, 15 April 2011

Bikini reloaded

The ongoing bikini saga. Will I ever find one that looks good?

I mentioned in Lucy models swimwear! Hmmmm (four posts back) that I wasn't happy with how I looked in a bikini. The midriff bulge was the main problem, but of course it wasn't the only one. At my age, I simply haven't got the slender beauty of a young girl, and that in itself is a basic reason why revealing attire might be best avoided! I mean, let's be frank and realistic. I thought I looked fine in both my one-piece swimsuits, but the bikini I tried on was not flattering, to put it mildly. It wasn't a horror story by any means, but I'd feel embarrassed stepping into the public eye with my tummy so much on view. And I'm never going to have a flat tummy. If I want proper boobs, a certain amount of plumpness here and there must go with it. A reasonable trade-off, I reckon; but the Melford abdomen must stay rounded and cuddly, unless casual exercise tightens up the old muscles.

But one must never give up. I went back to M&S and tried on two other bikinis, including the original in a different size:

You see only the top here, size 16. It was a bit tight, and size 18 would have been better, but M&S had sold them all in that style. The bottom half, although it had size 16 on the hanger, was actually size 10, and obviously I couldn't get it on. So those are actually my black knickers.

Looking at this shot, I think it would be possible to source a bikini top that looked acceptable, but a bikini bottom is going to be a real problem. The knickers conceal much of the offending flesh, but they hardly look glamorous, even with the lace edging.

But if you imagine a bikini bottom that resembles tight-fitting shorts, that isn't a good look for me either. In fact I don't look right in any kind of shorts - my legs don't suit them. To my eye anyway, whenever I wear shorts, tight or floppy, they make me look male from the waist down. Which of course is a no-no. I look much better in cropped jeans, but they are really a different animal entirely.

Oh well. In the end I bought two lightweight cotton kaftans instead, in white and black, to wear over the one-pieces as sun shields, or perhaps to wear as ordinary tops with leggings or cropped jeans. Here's the black one:

It's plain and simple, comfortable, and hides the fat well. And only £9.50. Say no more then. I actually had a £20 net refund at the till, after getting credit for the abandoned bikinis and shorts. I felt rather pleased, walking away with that net refund, although there's an error of logic in there because I'd still spent some cash!

The likelihood of getting down to a Sussex beach for spot of sunshine is increasing daily. My healing is coming along well, and I think Birling Gap or Eastbourne will be a possibility quite soon. Or, in the other direction, Littlehampton or Climping. Oh to be able to hitch up the caravan and head off to the West Country! To Woolacombe, say:

Or paddle in the shallows at Bude:

But that's months away. Sigh.

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Lucy Melford