Friday, 29 October 2010

Emotion surges and tears

There's a possibility that the increased hormone dose might be having some effect on my emotions! At any rate I've been subject to emotion surges this morning, although not without a stimulus. Once a year I get to feeling that I'd like to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films, and without fail these always stir me up. I'm easy meat when it comes to powerful drama and mood music.

This happened last year, and if you dig into the archives to my 4 October 2009 post called My favourite moment from LOTR 3 (The Return of the King) you'll find a mention of crying and emotioning just as now. Except that this year the real-world, very personal losses of parents and (very probably) my former partner M--- are much in my mind and are making it all harder to control. I think I'm feeling the grief more keenly than ever before. Strange, when in other ways my life is forging ahead in a direction very much to my liking! I should be jubilant. But instead it's all tinged with a sadness profound enough to choke on.

Don't worry - I'll get past this. And in any case, life always goes on, with or without oneself, and one might as well go with it and make the very best of the deal you get.

But my goodness, never have I felt more strongly that 'everything has its price'. It's so true. One way or another you pay heavily for every nice thing that comes your way, every ambition fulfilled, every step forward. As if a law of physics were being obeyed: you get nothing out without putting something in. Money is the least of it. Sometimes you pay with people you do not want to lose.

Getting back to LOTR, the character I find the most appealing, that I most identify with, is Eowyn, the heroine of Rohan, who is like a trapped bird longing to fly, and who can fight as any man in the defence of her land, and who (as celebrated last year) proves up to a most courageous and defiant act in the face of overwhelming horror.

There you are: I really always wanted to fight battles to save all that I love. I need a horse and a  sword.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Lucy,

    I am sorry about your parents. I realize how lucky I am to still have both of them in my life.

    Don't get me started I totally loose it at the end of the trilogy. The scene where Gandalf and Frodo leave for the Grey Havens I am crying my eyes out...and that was before hormones.

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  2. No matter how well things are going in general, loss and impending loss are something we're bound to feel keenly. And of course something like an evocative film will trigger those feelings.

    As well, if you've only recently switched to an increased dose, I think it takes the body a little time to adjust.

    I'm with you on Éowyn, although I don't think she was portrayed well in the films. Miranda Otto is adorable, but I don't think she was quite right for the part. Éowyn is steely, and carries pain with her always. She fell in love with Aragorn, but was never a simp about it.

    I do think, however, that they shot that pivotal scene with the Nazgul very well. It's my favourite scene in the book and the films. Between Merry making a key stab and Éowyn finishing the job, I get completely caught up every time I see it (or read it).

    Killed by a hobbit and a woman -- got watch out for prophecies. They're tricksy!

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  3. Like George Harrison said, "All things must pass." Whenever I feel the darkness of life, I hold on to this.

    And I also try to watch LotR at least once a year. I always lose it when Aragorn et al bow down to the hobbits. But my favorite moment in RotK (aside from the devastating scene where Pippin sings over Faromir's attack) is Gandalf's speech about what comes after. I want my very own Gandalf to make me feel better when everything seems like it is coming apart.

    xoxo

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  4. Oooooops, am I the only one who hated these violent films with the silly hobbits in though I have to admit there was a female character who lit up the screen for me and must be the one you speak of.

    I was on the verge of tears with these films but only because I had to take my wife to see them and they were bladder burstingly long!

    Caroline xxx

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  5. I was pissed off with them leaving out the romance between Eowyn and Faramir, because that was one of the most beautiful parts of the book, with wonderful use of language....

    chrissie
    xxxx

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