There's a possibility that the increased hormone dose might be having some effect on my emotions! At any rate I've been subject to emotion surges this morning, although not without a stimulus. Once a year I get to feeling that I'd like to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films, and without fail these always stir me up. I'm easy meat when it comes to powerful drama and mood music.
This happened last year, and if you dig into the archives to my 4 October 2009 post called My favourite moment from LOTR 3 (The Return of the King) you'll find a mention of crying and emotioning just as now. Except that this year the real-world, very personal losses of parents and (very probably) my former partner M--- are much in my mind and are making it all harder to control. I think I'm feeling the grief more keenly than ever before. Strange, when in other ways my life is forging ahead in a direction very much to my liking! I should be jubilant. But instead it's all tinged with a sadness profound enough to choke on.
Don't worry - I'll get past this. And in any case, life always goes on, with or without oneself, and one might as well go with it and make the very best of the deal you get.
But my goodness, never have I felt more strongly that 'everything has its price'. It's so true. One way or another you pay heavily for every nice thing that comes your way, every ambition fulfilled, every step forward. As if a law of physics were being obeyed: you get nothing out without putting something in. Money is the least of it. Sometimes you pay with people you do not want to lose.
Getting back to LOTR, the character I find the most appealing, that I most identify with, is Eowyn, the heroine of Rohan, who is like a trapped bird longing to fly, and who can fight as any man in the defence of her land, and who (as celebrated last year) proves up to a most courageous and defiant act in the face of overwhelming horror.
There you are: I really always wanted to fight battles to save all that I love. I need a horse and a sword.