Sunday, 17 January 2010

The point of it all

I read a posting on someone's blog a couple of days ago, and I can't find it again. This is annoying because it was a thought-provoking piece of writing that I'd like to study in case I misread anything. It was about the point of genital surgery, and what a natal female most values about being a woman. The author, who was American, wrote at length in white lettering on a blue background, and that's all I can remember.

The writer had never had the genital operation, and had decided there was no need. She postulated that the main thing about being a 'real' woman was the sensation she got when giving herself to a man, that feeling of being wanted so very badly, of surrendering, of being taken and then possessed. And that the clothes, accessories, makeup, and every other thing that conventional transsexuals hold dear meant nothing compared to a natal woman's glorious moment of ecstasy and fulfillment. The writer seemed to be saying that if any aspiring trans woman wanted that, then they were on the right lines. If they didn't, they had lost the plot. And that you didn't necessarily require genital surgery to be sexually active and satisfied, there being several ways to have sex of course.

Hmmm. You can see why I'd like to find the posting again, and read it more carefully.

I certainly think that the writer spoke much truth. But surely not the whole story. There was no mention of a woman's intellectual and cultural life, nor her personal ambition or dreams, nor of children and motherhood, and her position in a family and in her social circle. Aren't those things important to a 'real' woman too? And I don't believe that having an attractive appearance isn't a central concern to any woman, whatever her age. As for the genital surgery, what was right for her (no surgery) might be quite wrong for someone else. Each person must be guided by their own inner feelings.

Moral: bookmark anything interesting as you go along, not later.


  1. "She postulated that the main thing about being a 'real' woman was the sensation she got when giving herself to a man, that feeling of being wanted so very badly, of surrendering, of being taken and then possessed." When I was 12 my auntie was pregnant so I asked how she knew she was pregnant before the pregnancy began to show. There followed the lesson on the "birds and the bees" and she stressed that a woman always waited to be taken by a man a woman never, ever took a man. Fortunately,I learnt from other sources about equality and sharing. Everyone has a choice and perhaps that is how she sees being a woman, in the real world it's quite dangerous - like some men who think that all women would secretly like to be raped.

    I think that it's almost two years since I met Josephine through blogging and one of the points that has come up time and time again has been that the definition of being a woman is made up of a whole list of complex ideas and that we will all come up with different ideas

  2. I agree with Anji.

    That might well be the unknown writer's idea fo what it means to be female, but it's not going to be everyone's. It certainly isn't mine.

    And wow, is it just me or is that definition mind-meltingly shallow?


  3. Someone saying that if other people don't do what she does then they're not 'real' transsexuals? -nothing new there, then, sadly. And she's not the first person I've heard of who validated her gender identity by having sex with men.

  4. How I WISH I could find that posting again! Thank you all for being prepared to comment on a second-hand version. It's so frustrating not being able to get back to the original text. One wants to address the author and say, 'Well, you obviously believe that, but where does X, Y and Z come into your life-view?'

    My own take on 'the female life' doesn't seem to come very close to the unknown author's. In particular, I don't see sex playing much part in it. If I'm wrong I'll eat my fur hat (well, no: I like it too much, but a metaphorical hat anyway). I see my future life filled up with a pleasant daily routine interspersed with getting out and about, seeing friends, visiting sights and events, taking photos in pretty or sublime places, a life of nice meals, family gatherings, caravanning, art galleries, museums, bookshops, sun, fresh air, congenial conversation, and of course blogging. Not much lying on my back Thinking Of England there! But I still want a vagina, even though I've obviously 'missed the point' somewhere.


  5. Lucy, would the blog you are referring to be "Analog Girl In A Digital World? That sounds like what she would say and she uses a white font with a blue background. I personally do not share her opinions, but it works for her and she's happy with it.

  6. Thank you, Sophie! It WAS the Analog Girl In A Digital World. It was a posting on 15 January, three days ago, called 'All Of Me'. Reading it again, I can see that I failed to quote her verbatim, and over-emphasised what she said a bit.



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