Monday, 28 December 2009

Goin' Back - further thoughts

I was surprised that my original post elicited so many replies. I suppose it struck a chord with many people, and in a way that's reassuring: it's nice to know (at least now, after so many years) that your own experience wasn't unique and that there were many, many other people all going through much the same thing.

I don't know whether many of you felt my separateness and isolation to the same degree. Maybe you did, or worse. It was a bit strange. I wasn't ever lonely, and I was very well cared for and protected by my parents, as was my brother, but I felt inwardly as alone as if I were marooned on some desert island. And as self-sufficient. Mind you, I think that suited me more than I would care to admit. Meaning that you're supposed to be gregarious and people-loving, and socially well-adjusted, and not be a secretive soul or some kind of hermit. But I'm unrepentant about that. I was the person I was. The modern me is finally learning how to be different, and I think that something that was long dormant is finally having expression, because I do now seek out people and enjoy their company. That said, I will always want freedom and space; but I am getting intense satisfaction from my new outgoing life as Lucy. And believe me, actually meeting my online friends is an unalloyed pleasure to me.

3 comments:

  1. With all the busyness of Christmas I missed your earlier post (sorry!) but now I've read it I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I never made the dizzy heights of grammar school (the only one in my group of friends who didn't) and sensed that I was the odd one out and a bit of a failure for years. Perhaps that sense of being different and not one of the crowd has shaped my character as much as it did yours.

    I went on to prove myself in industry and as a parent, but never in a macho, striving way. And now, like you, I have a group of friends who affirm that I'm doing just fine. The little group of us here who share stories of our lives are very special.

    What more could a girl want?

    Hugs,
    Angie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Angie. You know it feels like being reborn, or having a wonderful second chance with all the past errors and embarrassments washed away, because they applied to that old person, and are irrelevant to the new one. Well, that's fanciful, but I would say that although 80% of my basic character must still be there, everything that was submerged and held back can now have its time. And that is potentially true of all of us.

    Lucy

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  3. Love your pictures of Bristol Lucy.
    I often have to go to Britol but have not had the pleasure of visiting the museum yet. I will look to do this in 2010.

    I have lost my watch and it is driving me crazy. I love it to death and have had it years. I never leave it anywhere and all the places I take it off I have looked three times at least by now. I am getting quite upset at the prospect that it might never show up again. Im so glad you found your key. I know those electronic coded keys are expensive and a pain to replace.

    Wishing you all the best for a really happy new year
    hugs
    Helen

    ReplyDelete

This blog is public, and I expect comments from many sources and points of view. They will be welcome if sincere, well-expressed and add something worthwhile to the post. If not, they face removal.

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Lucy Melford