Monday, 2 November 2009

The Deed is done

It's time I went to bed. I feel really tired.

The main event of the day was of course the signing of the Deed Poll document soon after noon. That was in the minister's office at a Brighton church. All went well. The legal act was performed to the letter and I was transformed into Lucy Melford. For real. I felt elated, triumphant, validated as a new person. Then I had tears for the old person who had lived for so long as the wrong person.

I feel those tears again now, as I write this. For God's sake, why? It's only a name change that I can repeat again and again if I want to. It shouldn't feel so final and dramatic. But it does. I have crossed some psychological line and stand on the other side. I look back at an era that belonged to someone else. My gaze is now fixed on the new life that has begun in earnest. It's arrived. I have looked up to the mountain and the light has washed over me.

I'm sagging a bit with fatigue now, but I most certainly walked taller for the rest of the day. I wanted to be stopped and asked who I was. No-one did. Never mind. I still felt so special.

8 comments:

  1. Names are funny, powerful things, girl....

    Well done, petal.. :-)

    Hugs
    chrissie
    xxxxx

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  2. Of course you feel emotional - its a significant point, and the release of lots of pent up emotion.

    Savour the moment.

    And congrats :)

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  3. Did anyone get the moutain/light washing over reference? I thought I'd throw it in as a sneaky test. Despite mention of the church, and perhaps a generally 'born again' feel to this posting, I'm not at all religious. It's a line from 'Joy', a track on Mick Jagger's 1999 'Goddess in the Doorway' album.

    I'm not myself a rabid Stones fan, but M--- (who is) has introduced me to most of their stuff over the years, and I have to say that it still stands up as credible rock with great sounds and great lyrics. And Mick's solo effort on 'Goddess' is definitely worth a listen. 'Joy' is actually sung by Bono, who gives it the best of his robust lungs, Mick only chiming in towards the end.

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  4. Thought I would stop by and say hi and well done.
    Karen x

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  5. Thank you all! Now let's turn our thoughts to Debbie, who must by now be installed in hospital and feeling dreadfully nervous.

    Lucy

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  6. I so felt your emotion in this post.

    Now, just go live the rest of your life, girl!

    Calie xxx

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