Sunday, 4 October 2009

The essential female

Now, what are the essential features of a human figure that say 'woman' when you see them, and, if you are a man, light a small pilot light in the brain? (I quote almost verbatim from a passage in Richard Beard's 'Becoming Drusilla')

Top picture is from a phone ad on TV. Girl shows Buckingham Palace guard the photo she's just taken of him, and presumably they are about to have sex. Complete fantasy of course. A real guardsman would stand woodenly to attention and ignore absolutely everything, even pretty girls, on pain of thirty days' fatigues and demotion to regimental mascot. And how do we know she's a girl? She's looking up, she's smiling with her teeth, she gets close, and she has much to say. She's no guardsman!

Next picture. Two women on TV. The one on the right, though handsome, does not have a classically pretty face. But she has the hair and clothes. She looks very female to me. Most trannies could come close to that if they really tried.

Now regardez the bottom photo (Tunbridge Wells again), and tell me which is the man and which the woman. Need I say much more? Breasts, waist, skirt, legs, shoes. Especially breasts. If you can show all those, then the face may not matter. In fact, I'm of the belief that the more your breasts, clothes and accessories distract the eye, the less likely your face will be scrutinised. And if you can show a girly hairstyle, and do the walk, you ought to be able to move about most places with fair confidence. The voice is something else again, but if you don't have to speak then it won't give you away.

Incidentally, I won't actually be behaving like that towards guardsmen when up in London tomorrow! Next time, maybe.

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