Sunday, 27 September 2009
Before and After
It's about time I published some 'before and after' photos!
The pictures of the bloke in drab are me two years ago in 2007, and since they were taken by other people I think they are free of personal bias. Anyway, that's how I used to look before I began to put on more weight. I can see why so many people liked the 'old me'. I was, for the most part, as friendly and easy-going and accommodating and cuddly as you see in the pictures. A volcano seethed within, and I wasn't happy or content, but you would never have known. That's the trouble: I was too good at concealing the inner me, even from myself. I'd had a lifetime's practice, and I was perfect at it. But of course it couldn't continue indefinitely, and retirement (and therefore enforced leisure for self-assessment) was the catalyst that awakened the sleeping gender issues deep in my mind. I'm sure that nearly everyone wishes they had stayed dormant.
The pictures of myself somewhat changed were taken yesterday. (Sorry about the camera in the hand - I really must use a tripod) I 'came out' to my former partner (but still my close friend) M--- in August 2008, and started to feminise myself from then. The hormones began in March 2009. If you are one of those who knew the 'old me' you will deplore the changes that have already occurred, and will fear the worst - I expect some marked developments over the next six months. But I am satisfied, and only wish I could advance the feminisation at a faster pace. I suppose it's 'not bad for 57', but I'll never be pretty. However, prettiness isn't the goal.
Incidentally, I'm not wearing a wig - that's my own hair. Nor have I coloured it, it's the natural colour. Which is very strange. I was getting very grey, but the old honey-blonde colouring seems to be coming back. Must be the hormones!
This photo comparison was inspired by a posting that Suzanne Clayton (of Mr Toad's Wild Transgendered Ride) did on 11 October 2008 ('Dating Myself'). Suzanne cleverly merged an old photo of herself in male form with a new one of herself, in such a way that the old her had 'his' hand on her shoulder, and you could compare the two versions of herself in the one shot. As a technical tour-de-force it was a great photo, but it was of course chiefly interesting for the astonishing difference. What an encouragement! Actually I do recommend Suzanne's blog as a thoroughly good read on many transitional subjects, particularly her surgery during March 2009. She's fallen a bit silent recently, as seems to happen post-op, but she's definitely one of the people I'd like to visit if my planned 'US tour' ever gets off the ground. (I should say, 'US and Canada', although that would make it a real blockbuster of a holiday!)