Saturday, 25 July 2009

A conversation with Debbie K

Yesterday evening I had a half-hour's telephone conversation with Debbie Knight, who many bloggers follow: truly one of our most inspirational posters! I can tell you, she has all the heart and concern for others, especially her parents, that comes across in her blog.

We spoke mostly about family and feelings. We had in fact previously been in touch by email and were looking seriously at a meeting in Southampton, if Debbie's commitments allowed. But it was not to be - on this occasion anyway - hence the phone conversation instead.

We both felt that attempting this contact was a really good idea. We are all castaways in a vast ocean, isolated on our little islands, and although we send and receive messages - if not in bottles, then not unlike children taking school lessons over the radio in the arid 1940s Australian outback - we rarely see another of our kind. In times of indecision, unhappiness, burdensome responsibility, worry, loneliness, failure and loss, there is no substitute for a real human voice, and a comforting arm across your shoulders. We should all try to be there for someone else, trans or not. It won't always work. We may not get on. But it's got to be worth a try.

My heart goes out to exiles such as Ashley Lynch in Vancouver, who was almost the first blogger I discovered. Poor Ashley has transitioned, but where does she now go with her life in general? She has a job but no career, a place to live but not where she wants to be, and nobody special to share her life with. She feels she has failed, and is very unhappy. Who will fly to her rescue?


  1. Hi Lucy
    We are not alone my friend. It was so nice to talk, although it was too briefly. There are times when we can feel alone in a crowd full of friends. There are days when like a wounded animal I need to run away & hide, to lick my wounds. I feel unworthy of friends, I feel toxic. I have just read poor Ashley's blog. She has so much to offer so much talent. Depression is a terible thing. I am struggling myself at the moment but I will survive. I hope & pray Ashley puuls through her dark times.

    As Trisha Goddard once said "I now know that you've got to take it day by day, minute by minute, wait for your brain to catch up with your heart & you will find the beautiful things in life again"

    Transitioning is never going to be a magical cure all & we will always feel vulnerable to our worries. What helps me survive. Is my faith, my family & my friends. With each challenge we face, each time we get back up & survive, we grow stronger. Kind friends who understand & offer kindness who have great empathy as you clearly do, can make such a difference.
    Many thanks

    Debbie X

  2. Well, I have often wished I had a magic wand, and could put everything right for others in an instant. I've never had to fight depression: it must be a truly awful thing. Depression when on your own, with no family around, seems unimaginable. People do find ways to beat it, though. I hope Ashley does. As indeed I hope everyone will. Here am I, sitting in the rain at Lyme Regis, but really quite happy. I'm sure Ashley would give much for one carefree hour here, with all concerns and doubts cast aside. Quite apart from the stimulus to writing the place has!


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