Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Tempting the gods

Lately, and I mean within the last week, I have become a LOT more confident walking about town as Lucy. Something has happened to markedly reduce my self-consciousness. I've become rather cool and casual. I'm not minding a challenge, and I'm not caring about getting a curious look. I MUST be getting clocked, but I don't notice and it isn't bothering me. So I'm no longer avoiding groups of teenage girls or lounging builders (these previously filled me with panic). It can't be a direct effect of the hormones - I'm only a few days into them - but perhaps starting the medication has profoundly changed my outlook. I certainly feel I'm on my way now, and that I deserve to be taken seriously.

Maybe it's really a combination of several things:
• the hair is now long enough to be credibly girly. And I've just had it cut at a top salon in Brighton (Trevor Sorbie).
• I've stopped covering up: so if the sun is shining then it's just bootleg jeans, flats, a tight low-neckline top, and the handbag, and I look exactly like zillions of other girls. I'm completely exposed to scrutiny, but it's so non-furtive, and so what a nervous tranny wouldn't do. And I can get a tan.
• I've developed a natural, crisp but elegant female walk. (Highly pleased with this achievement!)
• I usually wear just a little makeup, to smooth out the face and make my eyes and lips slightly more interesting.
• I wear sunglasses if the exterior light level warrants it. The thing here is that these are not prescription sunglasses, and I can't see details. So I don't pick up subtle facial expressions that might disconcert me, and because of that I can walk about and enter shops and get quite close to people with an assurance I'd find very hard to credit even a month ago. OK, this is a trick technique, but it works for me.
• As mentioned in a previous blog, the Prada handbag is a vital confidence-booster, a touch of expensive glamour that says 'I may be a tranny, but I love beautiful things' and 'I'm worth it. You can't put me down'.
• Even the Nokia phone plays its part in 'normalising' my appearance. It's standard girly behaviour to go around clutching a phone and fiddling with it. And this one looks exactly right.
• Let's not forget little things like the watch, another helpful prop that shows up well on a bare arm.
• And finally, I've worked out how I will react if ever challenged. I won't bluff it out or get flustered. I'll smile, and explain straight away - with disarming frankness and candour - that I'm a transsexual, and convey by what I say (and how I say it) that I'm very pleased to be one. And that being a transsexual absolutely justifies the female clothes, female behaviour, and an especially positive, sunny approach to life. And (if I'm challeged in a ladies loo) I will explain how this is the ONLY toilet I can now use - mens toilets having become a dangerous no-go area.

Of course, all the above will sorely tempt the gods! So I may be tested to destruction at any moment. I'll let you know how I handle it, if I survive.

2 comments:

  1. I hope the Gods have been kind to you. it is lovely to read you are feeling so contented & happy. Being true to your heart is a very spiritual journey. Enjoy your new life!
    Love
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad it's going so well, confidence builds on confidence. :)

    ReplyDelete

You must be registered with a proper blogging platform if you wish to make a comment. I have had to deny access to completely anonymous commentators.

This blog is public, and I expect comments from many sources and points of view. They will be welcome if sincere, well-expressed and add something worthwhile to the post. If not, they face removal.

Ideally I want to hear from bloggers, who, like myself, are knowable as real people and can be contacted. Anyone whose identity is questionable or impossible to verify may have their comments removed. Commercially-inspired comments will certainly be deleted - I do not allow free advertising.

Whoever you are, if you wish to make a private comment, rather than a public one, then do consider emailing me - see my Blogger Profile for the address.

Lucy Melford